Fun times for a trainee doctor

The importance of feeling stupid.

2012-01-26T18:37:00.002Z

I know a lot of people dislike feeling stupid, but I think it's a fairly useful emotion- feeling stupid about something almost certainly means you just learnt something, in a way you're not likely to forget.

It's hard to get used to. Many of us are used to being high/over-achievers... When I first got to med school I had to get my head round the shift from being one of the top students in a fairly crappy comprehensive, to being decidedly average in comparison to my peers. (Unluckily for me, I also get compared with my super-smart brother being one of the top people in his year in medical school... Thanks for making me look bad!)

Feeling stupid means you've realised there's something you didn't know. Often that's the spur for me to open my books... you just have to sit through one lecture/clinic session, not understanding half of the terminology used, and the urge to do your reading rises dramatically!
Of course, reading around the subject before you go in is valuable and should be commended. But if you're not being challenged, if you don't see anything you didn't know about, if you didn't ask any questions or get asked something you couldn't answer straight away, what did you gain from it?

Similiarly, making a gut-wrenchingly embarassing mistake I think is a sure-fire way of ensuring you don't do the same thing again! I find this especially important for clinical skills- you can read about them all you like, but it's the first time you struggle to ask a patient to undress that you realise what you *really* need to practise.
(History taking too- during a GUM history I accidentally on autopilot asked an MSM if the sex was "oral, vaginal or anal"... I won't be doing that again!)

We all cope with it in different ways; be it laughing it off, silently wishing for the ground to swallow you up, or ranting about the circumstances that led to it happening, as long as you find a way to accept what happened!

It's a good thing to get used to though- everyone will make mistakes (hopefully not too many) in the course of their career, and it's a truly valuable skill to be able to admit that you've made an error, apologise and deal with the consequences.

So I say embrace feeling stupid. No-one's going to make it through life without the feeling, so you may as well take what you can from it!

Sh*t medical students say

2012-01-20T11:59:00.005Z

So probably by now all of you have heard of the viral videos of "Sh*t X says". I had the idea of making a "sh*t medical students say" video, but a quick sweep of youtube informs me I've been beaten to it, 5 times!

And I *love* these:

My particular favourites are the guys thinking they have primary amenorrhea and endometriosis :-)

I still think there might be room for a "sh*t UK/London med students say" if anyone wants to help out?

Breakout sessions

2012-01-16T16:01:00.005Z

So, I don't know how it is for other universities/courses, but for me very few teaching sessions are well-defined. I don't really know what these "seminars" or "tutorials" are supposed to be, as it's never consistent.
I just turn up and take what I get... sometimes it is essentially a lecture, or sometimes if it's genuinely a "tutorial", we'll be going through a piece of work we are supposed to have already completed. Sometimes "seminars" are interactive-style lectures, which can range from a teacher talking at us with the odd question thrown in, to a teacher grilling you over a subject in detail (painful, but it makes you learn it) or if you're really unlucky, a teacher playing "guess what I'm thinking" and asking you vague questions repeatedly until you finally say what they want to hear.

Even though I never know what a teaching session on my timetable is going to be, this doesn't really bother me. A good teacher will make it work in the way that suits them and us... if they prefer to wax lyrical on a subject for an hour, as long as it's relevant I'm happy to listen.

However there's a new breed of teaching style emerging that is becoming more and more prevalent within the medical school, and so infuriating me more and more often. And that is the "break-out session".

Firstly, what does that even mean? Break out of what? Break out of where? Break-out, as far as I'm concerned, means "escape"... what are we escaping?

As far as I can gather, modern teaching ideals say that sitting us all in a lecture to be fed information is bad and wrong, and everything should be interactive and have feedback and involve discussions of how we feel about the subject.
So instead of say, sitting 400 people in a lecture theatre to listen to an expert explain a subject to us, they split us into small groups, put us into a variety of junk-filled classrooms and make us spend an hour with a chirpy "medical educator" who spends the first 10 minutes asking us to brainstorm what we already know about catheters. NOTHING. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to group discussion/communication practise. There's some instances where the medical school does it really well- I love it when we get the chance to talk to the actor patients, or "expert patients" (usually someone living with a long-term condition), because we get clear, personal feedback on how we are doing, and useful insight from an outside person.

But often I feel that it is forced unnecessarily, or with no clear guidelines to what we're doing and why. Earlier this year I found myself sitting with 4 other people looking at a Freda Kahlo painting and discussing the answers to a list of questions about how this reflected her feelings about her medical conditions. "I guess she feels... sad?" Sorry, but without someone with some kind of arts or humanities background to help me in this, I'm not really going to have a clue. And what does it matter what I think actually? Unless the medical school is worried that I'm incapable of feeling and empathy (and don't worry, I always cry at the end of Gladiator) I find it highly unlikely that a patient is going to present to me with an abstract self-portrait of her body for me to interpret. "Hmmm, there's a lot of heavy brush-strokes in this... perhaps she's got MS".
(I actually did take a Self-Selected Module in Medicine and Art, and found it really interesting... WHEN I WAS BEING TAUGHT BY AN ART LECTURER.)

I struggle with Ethics lessons in a similiar fashion. The teachers have an infuriating habit of bringing up a case study of a previous real-life ethical dilemma, making us put forward our opinions on it, and then moving on. Why not tell us what happened? What would be wrong with letting us know what the outcome of the court case was? I wish they'd give us a general idea of what happens. It gets to the point that I'm worrying that everyone in the class will just reach some terrible conclusion without being challenged: "I think we should kill the baby. Killing the baby everyone? Yeah? Sounds good to us all then..."

My final problem with break-out sessions is less about teaching and more about fellow students: there's always a risk with group work, that you'll end up with one of the several overly self-important people in our year. They dominate every session they are in- interrupting to ask difficult questions to highlight their own intelligence, trying to debate lecturers over irrelevant technicalities, and often completely missing the point of the session in their attempt to make themselves look as impressive as possible. Most awkwardly for me, I have witnessed fellow students act more rudely with a session leader who wasn't a doctor- correcting them on medical points unnecessarily, and irritatingly for me wasting the only time we got to listen to how their role in the treatment worked.
Still, I'm sure I will end up working with doctors who are just like that, so I guess if nothing else, I'll gain the skill of putting up with annoying people!

So yeah. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think that scientific fact needs to be taught in any way radically different to a lecture- an expert telling me what I need to know. All this discussion business achieves nothing, wastes time, and generally makes me want to fulfil the name of the session and break out of it :-p

The stages of falling asleep in lectures.

2012-01-04T19:59:00.002Z

Stage 1: You are wide awake. Alert, even!

Stage 2: Actually this lecture is a bit boring. Your mind starts to wander.

Stage 3: You get uncomfortable. Lean your head on your arm or slide down in your seat.

Stage 4: Your eyes start to close. Trying to keep them open gets progressively more difficult.

Stage 5: You start pulling weird eye-rolling faces to keep your eyes open.

Stage 6: As well as pulling faces, you start to nod off and your head drops forward, which wakes you up. This happens repeatedly.

**BONUS STAGE**: Managing to keep hold of your pen in a death-grip while falling asleep. Writing gibberish, childlike scrawls, or simply drawing lines over your notes as your hand drops.

Stage 7: You give up on keeping your eyes open. Sure, they're closed, but you're still *listening*, so that's okay.

Stage 8: You are actually asleep.

Stage 9: You wake up in an embarassing fashion. Options include: Snoring yourself awake, dropping something on the floor loudly, twitching in your sleep and splashing yourself with cold coffee, and best of all: not waking up at all until everyone leaves the lecture and steps over you.

12 days of dissection

2011-12-25T23:12:00.002Z

(I would have posted this earlier but I was pretty tipsy for most of the day. Anywho, enjoy this Christmas carol I have adapted for you!)

On the first day of dissection, Prof Ellis showed to me- A hepatobiliary tree!

On the second day of dissection, Prof Ellis showed to me... 2 ureters, and a hepatobiliary tree!

...

...

On the 12th day of dissection, Prof Ellis showed to me...

12 cranial nerves

11 types of epithelium

10 metatarsals

9 extrinsic hand extensors

8 liver segments

7 cervical vertebrae

6 ocular muscles

FIIIIIVEEEEE HIP AD-DUCTORS!!!

4 rotator cuff muscles

3 nasal conchae,

2 ureters....

AND A HEPATOBILIARY TREE

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Results!

2011-12-18T18:52:00.003Z

My results for August exams were: (all marks are standardised marks, out of 100)

In-Course Assessment: 72 Pass

Written Examination: 73 Pass

Clinical Examination (OSCE): 69 Pass

Overall Mark & Result: 72 Pass

Centile ranking: 18

SSC's: 70 (pass with merit) That was my Diploma in the History of Medicine, which I passed by the diploma standards too :-)

So I was very pleased! I had thought that the written exams hadn't gone too well, (they were so hard!) and resigned myself to not doing too well, with a promise to myself that I'd work harder next year. Last year I did put a lot on my plate as well, what with doing the Diploma and being President of Sexpression.
But yeah, it worked out well! I wasn't actually far off a merit (15th centile ranking and above) so I think maybe I could try for that this year? I'd need to work a lot harder.

The other day I got this feedback on the written exams:

Mark 73 (as above), 19th Centile.
(So OSCE's etc must have dragged me up one place!)

Paper One– Data Interpretation & Problem-Solving, True/False MCQ: Mark 76, Ranking 31
Paper Two- SBA MCQ: Mark 76, Ranking 8
Paper Three– EMQ: Mark 67, Ranking 35

(Paper 1 is worth half as much as the other two.)
So it seems the second paper really helped me out there, and dragged me up! This is *really* weird as I thought that exam went terribly, I really struggled with it and thought the 3rd one went a lot better... I almost enjoyed it!
Perhaps it was the format of the questions- Single Best Answers are generally easier than Extended Matching I find.

Your Result Broken Down By Subject Group:

Group A: Urology, Medicine, Renal, Surgery, Endocrine & Nutrition.
Mark: 77 Ranking: 37

Group B: Neurology, Ophthalmology & Psychiatry.
Mark: 71 Ranking: 34

Group C: Respiratory, General Medicine/General Practice, ENT, Cardiology, Vascular & Radiology.
Mark: 84 Ranking: 12

Group D: Infection, Immunology, Histopathology, Chemistry, Pharmacology & Therapeutics & Public Health.
Mark: 75 Ranking: 16

It's kinda embarassing that I didn't do so well on Renal etc, seeing as I spent 3 months on a renal firm! It wasn't that well taught though, and I really struggle with it, all the processes and stuff. No surprise that my Cardio/Resp was the best, as that was taught to me in Lewisham and the teaching was *so* much better there.

So that's all good :-) I hope to remain in the top 5th of the year now I'm there. It'll help a lot for job applications!
These results have made me realise that I'll need to work a bit harder to do it though- seems I got lucky with one exam, so I need to improve on the rest of it as well.

However massive props to my brother, studying Medicine in Sheffield- he's just got his results back and he's in the top 15 people in his whole year! He works bloody hard, I think I need to take a leaf out of his book and get some serious studying done this holiday :-D

End of term, logbooks and pregnant women.

2011-12-14T11:46:00.009Z

Term is over (and last week was a reading week, so I wasn't actually in clinics). I'm very excited! We've got a fairly long holiday, which I plan to spend mostly at home, eating as much family-provided food as possible, watching TV and generally being lazy.
(Oh and I'll have to do some reading too, but I'm not thinking about that right now!)

This term has been fairly interesting, overall. A+E and Anaesthetics, my first half, were really good in that I got a lot of hands-on experience and learnt a lot of new procedures. Unfortunately of course you get ignored sometimes when patients require the doctor's full attention- I did spend a lot of time literally just following doctors around A+E... It gets very annoying when you're just watching them make a phone call! But yeah, I enjoyed it and felt I did a lot.

Orthopaedics and Rheumatology weren't so hot. Particularly in Ortho, very few of the doctors were interested in teaching at all, and I spent a lot of time sitting in the corner of a clinic, watching the doctor rush through seeing patients and referring them for surgery, without even a break to ask what was wrong with them before they'd got the next patient in. I thought they'd be more happy to teach in theatre, because that's what they like after all, but then they're too excited and into doing the operations to talk to you. So that was disheartening, and I was unenthusiastic about going in, which carried on into Rheumatology as well. To be fair the doctors were better in Rheum, and did teach us a fair bit, but there's no inpatients so not that much opportunity to practise clerking and examining. Some clinics were good though.

But at least I've completed the task which brings every King's Medic a huge sigh of relief...
I HAVE HANDED MY LOGBOOK IN.
The logbook is a book we have to get signed off whenever we perform a skill - by a doctor or other relevant healthcare professional - to prove that we can do it adequately. Everything from "washing your hands" to "examining the abdomen" to "delivering a baby", it's in one of these books and if you haven't made someone watch you do it and sign, you have no proof that you can do it adequately. (Until you pass your OSCE in it, assumedly).

I always start these books with great enthusiasm, which wanes throughout the term. I try to learn the relevant examinations, practise them until I feel really confident and then get someone to watch me do it. Of course, part-way through the term you realise that you're running out of time, that there aren't always the relevant patients available, or indeed doctors to patiently watch you do these (sometimes very basic) tasks, and you have to start rushing.

It gets to the point where you're wandering a ward trying to find someone watch you put gloves on: "can you watch me put gloves on? Have you got 5 minutes? I've got the gloves, I can bring them right here"
Or trying to make slightly irrelevant patient fit your sign-ups: "I need to talk to someone with a head injury, none have come into A+E but this guy bit his lip, so... that's on your head, so that counts, right?"
Or just trying to get something done that you haven't managed to cover in detail despite your best efforts: "I need to examine someone's elbow. I looked at his whole arm, which includes his elbow... I LOOKED AT HIS ELBOW, PLEASE SIGN ME OFF!"***

And then when you have it nearly complete, you experience acute logbook stress. This book, this small A5 paper object, represents an entire term's work. Should I carry it around any longer? If I lose it I've lost all my work... Should I take it home and photocopy it or just give it in so it's in already? What if the bus crashes on the way home and my logbook gets shredded? What if someone mugs me for my handbag INCLUDING THE LOGBOOK? A friend in the pub looks at your book and you're watching them like a hawk. "Don't spill anything on it, don't lose it, please just give it back so I can relax!"
...or maybe that's just me.

The last thing I had to do this term was attempt to visit a pregnant woman and ask her what it's like, and how she's planning to give birth.

...which seems a little redundant to me, seeing as I *know* people who are pregnant, right now. My friend from high school must be about 5 months by now, she's showed me scans and everything. In fact, I'd be surprised if anyone within my year didn't know at least through association someone who is pregnant that they could have a chat to, and honestly would probably be happier to chat to us about it than someone who is a stranger.
But apparently no, we have to go meet a random woman from our assigned GP practice to go and talk to. This makes even less sense to me as I haven't done my obstetrics rotation yet- that's next term. So I won't even be that helpful if the pregnant woman has any questions about her experiences.

What I found particularly amusing was the fact that there's at least 2 guys in our year who's wives are pregnant. There's a woman in our year who is either pregnant or has just given birth, but no, even they weren't exempt, everyone had to travel somewhere in south-east london to meet a pregnant woman!

So far 2 pregnant women haven't been able to meet with me. So by the looks of it I'll have to wait until next year!

***Disclaimer... these scenarios may be exaggerated.

Medicine isn't quite like TV glamour...

2011-11-28T12:58:00.006Z

So I'm pretty sure that every student when they first think of applying for medicine thinks that at some point, they're going to be really cool. They're going to be rushing to emergencies, everyone waiting on them, where they will quickly do something to save someone's life. People sweeping around in white coats, shouting "clear" and patients suddenly sitting up, dramatically awoken. "Thankyou doctor!"

...I haven't even seen ANY doctor do that.
(Anaesthetists save people's lives all the time and are surprisingly calm about it!)

I haven't even done CPR on anyone yet.

I have, however, in the course of my studies so far seen one cardiac arrest, which differed somewhat to the ones you see on television...

The patient in question was a middle-aged guy who was pretty confused on the ward, I think he was an alcoholic and had schizophrenia.
What had happened was he had started to defecate in the middle of his cubicle while a nurse was trying to get him changed- the nurse had tried to stop him and went to pull his trousers up.
Poor guy trips on his trousers/slips in his own poo, falls backwards, bashes his head and subsequently goes bradycardic (gets a much too slow heartbeat)/possibly arrested.

I hear all the alarms and run into the room after the doctors to see what's going on.

What do I see? A half-dressed man on the floor, trousers round his ankles and poo everywhere, with 10 people scrabbling around on the floor next to him, doing CPR, trying to get a cannula into him (and getting blood on the floor too).

"Yep" I thought. "Medicine really isn't like what you see on TV".

When he came round he swore at everyone too.

*Added bonus to further prove my point* This awesome comic by SMBC:

How was medicine taught in the past?

2011-11-20T23:48:00.003Z

Now that I'm well into my clinical teaching (and sometimes get very annoyed by it), I then get to wondering how medicine has been taught over the last 100 years or so, and if it's always disappointed the students in this way.

You see, medical teaching isn't as I expected. Gleaning what little I could from the media and hear-say; (mostly people saying "it'll be really hard and you'll be working non-stop without sleep"), I thought medicine would put me under pressure, which it does, but pressure that I had to answer to someone about. I thought that if I didn't turn up to ward rounds or hadn't clerked 15 patients or read about several different illnesses by lunchtime, it would actually matter. They'd need my history of the patient, or the consultant would be annoyed at me if I didn't do it, or even all the other students would have done it so I'd look bad.

Stories from older doctors, books and films like Patch Adams, or TV programmes like Grey's Anatomy (I have seen the first THREE episodes) or even Scrubs (to some extent) suggest that students are in the hospital all day, then working all night, desperately trying to memorise detailed physiological processes so they don't get their ass kicked at ward round the next day when they can't answer a question. So that's kind of what I thought I'd get in hospital. Being *expected* to do things all day, then having to work all night to meet the deadlines.

You might say here that I shouldn't need someone to *make* me do things, that I should want to learn everything in order to be the best possible doctor in the future (and before that, to pass my exams). Which is true. But this lassez-faire attitude from certain doctors who are supposed to be my teachers leaves a lot to be desired.

I don't understand why this has changed, assuming that it has. Why don't doctors now expect so much of us? Why are we now a hassle, getting palmed off on less senior doctors or being told "we don't have interesting patients today". Why aren't we part of the team, having to make a contribution and having to answer for it if we don't?

The archetypal "scary doctor", sweeping his way around ward rounds, leading a herd of timid medical students, doesn't seem to happen any more. That kind of doctor seems to be dying out, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Certainly from a patient point of view, a less brusque, more sympathetic doctor is generally an improvement, especially if they spend more time listening to patients and being less authoritarian.
Although somewhat unfortunately for us students, those doctors were actually great teachers. I mean, they were scary, and make us feel uncomfortable- I certainly remember last year a certain old-school doctor staring me down when I said something terribly stupid about how beta-blockers work. He went through it with us piece by piece though, and I bloody well understood it afterwards.
I don't mind this kind of teacher, because at least they're teaching us and really making us think. Many of my fellow students don't though, proved by the attendance at his timetabled sessions.

So the kind of teaching doctors feel they have to do may have changed. With the change in medical education towards more "touchy-feely" things such as communication skills and Inter-Professional Education, newer doctors haven't been taught in the scary old style, and the old-school ones are retiring now.
But personally after sitting round and having a group discussion about what kinds of catheters there are, I WOULD MUCH PREFER OLD SCHOOL. I feel similiar about Inter-Professional Education, which was basically bringing together medics, nurses, pharmacists and dieticians and giving us the instructions "now do a presentation... on something". What's the point??
Communication skills I am for 100%, but I refuse to ask a patient while taking their history "What do you think it might be?", for fear of giving the impression that I am completely clueless. Less "reflective discussion", more helpful points and direct answers please.

It's not just the doctors though. Other factors are turning them away from teaching- one in particular being pay. My anaesthetics tutor informed me a few weeks ago that "apprentice-style" teaching, where we are one-on-one with a doctor, shadowing them around ward rounds or in theatre, doesn't count as teaching, so the doctors don't get paid for it. They only get paid for putting on tutorials or seminars, which we get a certain amount of from the university (independently) anyway. Which means that the main thing that us students want from hospitals- clinical observation and experience- is unfunded.

I'm sure that part of it is due to the large numbers of students in our hospitals as well. As one of a year of over 400 students, there are a lot of us around, somewhat fighting to get into clinics and onto ward rounds. I'm currently in a group of about 20 people doing the same rotation, and there really isn't enough for us all to do. I've already mentioned that we get better teaching/more attention in the smaller hospitals- no mean coincidence that there tends to be less students there at any one time. The teaching hospitals I have found the worst for actual teaching, as the doctors are so busy with other things (and bothered by so many of us).

The admin system doesn't help. The college try to limit us from swamping the hospital by assigning us to certain consultants, giving us timetables and even making us sign up for things online... but none of this is actually communicated very well between the college and the hospitals. The timetables are always out-of-date, missing off really interesting/useful things that you inevitably don't find out about until the last week of the rotation.
One rather annoying thing that happened to me was after turning up to a clinic that I had signed up for but hadn't been informed was cancelled, I arrived on a different day to be asked if I signed up online.
"No," I said truthfully, "but my session was cancelled and so..."
"I can only let you in if you are timetabled."
I left, only to realise about 10 seconds later that if I'd said I *was* timetabled in, she'd have had no way to prove it. Damn!

More accurate logbook sign-ups

2011-11-07T17:06:00.005Z

Clinical skills? Who needs to practise those?

2011-10-26T20:25:00.006+01:00

So I don't know how many people have noticed yet, but the Clinical Skills Centre (Shepherd's House) is closed for refurbishment at the moment.

What you probably didn't know is that it is closed for 8 months. Estimates are May or June 2012, but they don't even think it will be ready by then!
(I found this out from some students doing the medical education SSC).

Which leaves all of us medical and nursing students without *anywhere* to practise basic clinical skills. No phlebotomy, no cannulation, catheterisation, fundoscopy, otoscopes, sphygmomanometers, examination couches, injection practise, intimate examination models...

I've already struggled with skills I've had to learn without any opportunity to practise outside of the clinical setting. I've had to learn to cannulate straight away on patients, with doctors talking me through it *next* to patients, which must be nerve-wracking for them. It would have been much nicer (and ethical) for everyone involved had I had a chance to play around with the equipment first, and on a plastic model that I'm not going to hurt if I do it wrong!

And we're not going to get any opportunity to practise before the OSCE's, because the place may not even be open for the the OSCE's. Personally I find practising with the equipment really important before the exam, so I'm familiar with what I'll be using in a timed session... I'm sure a lot of people are too.

So we NEED to make a big fuss about this. I've already started asking questions on the Phase 4 FAQ's, but all I'm getting is that we'll have somewhere after Christmas (and that we'll be told where "soon"). Sorry but if we don't have somewhere ready immediately after Christmas, bureaucracy will inevitably lead to us having nowhere.

What I find really annoying is that I can see places clearly available. There's the SaIL centre at Tommies, but you have to be accompanied by a teaching doctor to use it. And all the clinical skills centre equipment is being stored in the basement of the James Clerk Maxwell Building (at Waterloo), so why they haven't just rearranged it so we can actually use the equipment in that space, I don't know!

I've complained on the FAQ's, and I am going to complain at the upcoming staff-student liason meeting in November. I need you guys to help too... talk to your clinical advisers, post on the FAQ's, email your tutors. Ask SMEC to help- I've already asked them on Facebook, but everyone ask your rep so they know that this is a massive problem.
If none of that gets us anywhere we'll have to go to the Dean and get KCLSU academic affairs to help us. It's early enough for us to kick up a big fuss and get this sorted, so let's make sure we bloody well do!

OSCE feedback, part 2

2011-10-21T12:11:00.006+01:00

So this post was a long time coming, but it's been requested, so I'll do it.

At King's we get very... interesting feedback for our OSCEs. You'll have seen my first bout of confusion here, for my first lot of feedback.

The second lot isn't any better...

Standardised mark: 69
Number of stations passed: 16
Centile Rank: 13

And then this wonderful thing:

So yet again, I've passed everything, apparently done pretty well, and then I'm getting really low ranks for certain things, which stands out quite badly. History taking AND communication skills. I had FOUR (out of 16) stations that were pure history taking, that I clearly passed, (and my ranking is still fairly well over the 50% pass limit, so perhaps not even that badly?) yet I'm apparently in the bottom 20% of the year for this stuff.

But I don't know why! Am I somehow passing by pointing at people and saying "YOU, ILL? WHERE?". Is everyone else in the year doing really well at history-taking and I'm just average? Am I missing some incredibly key aspect of the history every time? Did I completely miss that I was talking to the wrong patient, or that they're allergic to every drug known to man, or that they didn't have a face?

The feedback we got in second year gave you the mark you achieved on each station, which they have now done away with because "people were focussing too highly on marks". I can see that you don't want people to just be running a checklist instead of genuinely thinking about the patient and their situation, but at the same time, we're now being left in the dark, with numbers that represent very little.

Personally I don't know whether the numbers would help- either way I'd just find out that I did badly in the same stations. But at least I'd know whether I did genuinely badly, or just badly compared to everyone else. You can be in the bottom 20% if the other 80% simply scored one mark higher.

And then there's that graph. I think it represents the percentage of the year that passed a number of OSCE stations. So along with me, about 50% of the year passed 13-16 stations. However the y axis refers to a "Part A osce", which as far as I'm aware is what the year 4 osce is called. The graph that came with the first set of feedback (in my previous post, although I didn't put it up) also had the wrong numbers on the x-axis- going up to 20-something, when we'd only done 8 stations at that point. This apparently was the amount of stations in the year 2 OSCE. So even though this feedback took MONTHS to get to us, it's clearly recycled from what was produced for other years, and not even checked properly. I mean, come on. I can knock out an incorrect excel graph in 5 minutes flat! Should have let me do it, we'd all have had the same amount of wrong information by the very next day.

...

There have been a lot of (understandable) complaints about the OSCE feedback, and I'm not going to lie, it's completely awful. Especially considering how long it took to get to us, and that some of it isn't even correct. Even more so considering they released a podcast to explain it to us, (and kept directing us to when we asked questions) which explained the 2nd-year OSCE feedback and wasn't really relevant to our data.

But at the same time, we do need to use some common sense. We should generally know if you did well or badly on a station- if you come out with no idea what was wrong with the patient, or unable to perform a procedure, that's probably why you failed. If you weren't slick at an exam, or made a patient cry, you probably failed. If you failed the station once and don't think you'd pass next time, then you know that you need to practise it some more. It's not rocket science.

Personally I do know that my history-taking tends to take a bit too long, and I tend to forget the "Ideas, Concerns, Expectations" questions- such as "what do you think you have?" because I'm fearful of getting the response "you're the bloody doctor, you work it out".
And since doing my A+E rotation, I've realised I can miss out a few key questions which I then only remember when trying to piece my differential together and I realise I'm missing key information. So I guess that's the problem, and I'm going to work on it.

So I think it's a bit of both, really. Talking with other students, we think the "grade and a comment" system might work for the OSCEs, so you have a general idea of how well you did, and a pointer in the right direction. But at the same time, we're getting old now. We should be able to realise when we're wrong- we're not idiots. We're not going to be spoon-fed, ever again, and you've just gotta work out some shit for yourself.

I KNOW

2011-10-14T01:11:00.001+01:00

So so far this month is- anti-bullying awareness month, breast cancer awareness month, black history month, mental health month... it's probably also "small dogs with diabetes month" and "people who constantly misplace teaspoons week" for all I bloody know.

I'M AWARE

I'M AWARE THAT ALL THESE THINGS EXIST. (Well except the people misplacing teaspoons stuff hasn't actually made its way to me yet, if I'm going to be totally honest.)

But I'm sorry, I don't see the point of it being a something "week" or "month" if you're not going to do something with it. Hold a fundraiser, have an event, put out some educational material, great, but don't just name a month after something. What is that supposed to achieve? And who vets this anyway? There's only 12 months in a year, and a hell of a lot of good causes. How many things can one month be before it stops counting any more? How many diseases and injured animals do I need to think about (and who does that help anyway)?

Some causes people don't even know about. Fine. Certain civil rights problems, issues in far-away places that people don't know about. Rare conditions, perhaps, that people should look for a warning sign of. Support groups for people that will benefit from one, great. These things, okay, they probably do just need to start by raising awareness of the issue.

But for everything else, can we please *DO* something with meaningless publicity. I don't need my diary to say it's the day of a disease or people to post their facebook status saying that they've heard of someone who was once injured, because that's just reminding me of things that I know exist. Or profile pictures of cartoons that are supposed to magically stop child abuse through the power of line drawings. Or "secret" statuses about the colour of our bras that somehow makes breast cancer stop happening.

And PLEASE stop with the adverts on TV that just make you cry. I can't help you while I'm in tears. And making me feel that bad about something doesn't make me reach for my chequebook, either.

How about "everyone give a sandwich to a homeless person day"? Or "remind a guy to check himself for testicular lumps day"? Or "everyone who can manage it go for a 20-minute jog week"? At least they'd achieve something, however small.

Good and Bad teachers.

2011-10-09T21:44:00.004+01:00

Right so here's the kind of shocking thing you read this blog to learn- Doctors aren't teachers.

A bombshell, I know. Yet they're expected to teach us, every day. Hospitals and GP practises get paid large amounts of money to have us as students there (I heard a hospital gets £40,000 per student but that's completely unconfirmed).

However the standard of teaching we receive is very different. At best, we are fully involved, receive lectures and loads of practical experience. At worst, we are reduced to silently following a doctor around on a ward round, or chasing round a ward trying to find a patient to clerk, and a doctor to present to.

You can tell the kind of teaching you're going to get from a doctor almost straight away, by gauging how they react to your presence.
When you go up to them, one of two situations will arise- they will be expecting you, or they won't. (Most of the time they won't, because King's have a cute habit of making us sign up to timetables that aren't actually communicated to the hospital itself in any way). And funnily enough, whether they were or not isn't the important thing. It's whether they are happy to take you on at that moment. If they start questioning you on whether you're supposed to be here, now, bad sign. If they tell you they're really busy today, that's a very bad sign. The best ones are like "okay, you're here, fine, let's deal with that".

Then they have to decide what to do with you. Some of them are essentially lazy, and simply decide to let you sit in the corner of their clinic, or follow them around on the ward round. You'll be lucky if you get anything explained to you about the patient's conditions, or any questions you ask answered.
The absolute opposite of this is a confident doctor who wants to get you involved. You turn up and they say "oh there's a patient in bed 4 with really good signs, go examine them and report back to me what you found", or "great I have a few patients to clerk, please talk to one and present back". Or they let you take over and do something they would have done, but under their supervision, say some simple procedure. (Sometimes they're so keen that they tell you to do something before you explain that you left your bag here, and have they seen it?)

Then you get the ones who are well-meaning but can't think what to do with you. And that's when they utter the words, those disappointing, heart-sinking words:
"What do you want to learn?"

Um, the entirety of medicine maybe? You're an F1/F2/Reg/Consultant, you've got 3/4/5/10+ years of study on me, why don't you fill me in on those. Or how about the whole of the rotation I'm currently placed on, why don't you just go over that quickly?*

Okay, to be fair, sometimes I have a particular topic I'm confused on, or logbook sign-up I need to cover, and that question is good. But I can lead a keen doctor into a particularly topic if I need to as well, and I'd *much* rather have a keen teacher.
By now I've learnt that if the doctor is asking me what to teach me, they actually don't have a clue what I need to know at my level, or can't think of a topic themselves to suggest, or even worse, just want to vaguely explain one concept to me then send me away.

As well as lazy-teaching doctors, the other terrible type of teacher are the "why aren't you psychic" doctors. These are the ones who teach by questions. The questions start simple, then get harder and harder as you get them right, ultimately terminating in some complex nuance of biomedical theory that no-one understands (or needs to know) other than the PhD student who discovered it. When you eventually tap out due to your brain having dribbled out of your ears/using all the acronyms you can possibly think of and running out, they look away in disgust and stop talking to you.
Not only this, but often the questions don't make sense, and they expect you to guess the one answer that they are thinking of. They will even give you clues to help you guess exactly what they want to hear, ignoring various other relevant answers along the way.
(An example here could be the question "What makes you worried that a person is having a severe asthma attack?" You suggest several things, such as low oxygen, silent chest, cyanosis, but they will ignore these and say really specific, helpful statements like "and what other things about their breathing will you worry about" until you give up and they explain one other aspect of the blood gases you should have thought about. Then decide you are stupid and either ignore you or start explaining what asthma is.)**

*Rude answers I have to suppress when I get asked that question.

**A doctor once asked me what the normal HBA1C was for a non-diabetic, and when I couldn't remember the figure, decided to spend the next half-hour explaining to me that diabetes was a problem regulating a patient's GLUCOSE, which is controlled by INSULIN.

Films that don't make medical sense, Part 1.

2011-09-26T19:12:00.004+01:00

Now, I love a good film as much as the next... film enthusiast.

However when you have studied science, films can get really frustrating sometimes. Film-makers love to gloss over facts for the purpose of the plot, which I can swallow up to a point, but some errors are SO glaring, they make me squirm uncomfortably in my seat. I actually find it easier to believe something that's completely ridiculous (people can fly, Harry Potter is magic, etc) than some half-truth that was almost believable, but just not quite!

So here are 3 of my favourite completely medically wrong films:

Number 3: Limitless.

Premise of the film- an amazing drug that allows you to use 100% of your brain, be super-smart, super-focussed, achieve amazing things, etc. Okay, let's assume that somehow they managed to invent a drug like that, and that using 100% of your brain literally translates to being dramatically more intelligent and having an amazing memory.
(Um, our brains are big for a reason, all those synapses and neurotransmitters and action potentials are travelling throughout our brain to actually do something... Otherwise what's the point of us evolving a large brain? We'd use a part the size of a goldfish brain but we just created a LOAD of extra padding?)

But my biggest problem with the film is this... if the pill lets you "use 100% of your brain", what benefit does he get from taking about 10 a day?

Number 2: Mission Impossible 3

So in this film they invented bombs that you put into someone's brain, to kill them from the inside. Sounds terrible, but... all is not lost! You can stop the brain with... an electric shock, say from a defibrillator.
But wait, Tom Cruise, doesn't a defibrillator have some bad effects, say, stopping a person's heart?
No, he helpfully explains, you "just shock her again and bring her back".

...So that's okay then.

Cut to the end of the film, where Tom Cruise ends up with a bomb in his head. Crap, where's a defibrillator when you need one to stop your heart, then start it again, because it's essentially an on-off switch for both head-bombs and hearts?

But he's a super-awesome spy, so he improvises a defib in that well-known fashion- by pulling some electric wires out of the wall and zapping himself. Then entrusts himself to his wife, a nurse, to bring him back.

Point 1- wall-wires are AC. I don't even KNOW what that would do to your heart. Also I doubt it was the correct voltage. Voltage of chinese wall-wires anyone?

Point 2- He then spends a good minute in full cardiac and respiratory arrest, while his wife has to shoot some bad guys.

Point 3- His wife then performs about 3 cycles of CPR, then 2 cardiac thumps, which magically bring him back to life! He didn't even need to be plugged in again!

Point 4- He's then totally awake and alert and fine; no burns from the electric shock, no bad effects from a few minutes of hypoxia to all his vital organs, no broken ribs from the CPR.

...RIGHT.

Number 1: Terminator Salvation, or why my cousin won't go to the cinema with me any more.

Okay, so in this Terminator film, as well as humans and robots, there is a half-human, half-robot person. Who was created as a medical experiment about 30 years before the rest of the film, but somehow didn't decompose or age, but okay.

Then, halfway through the film, he gets punched in the heart. So badly, in fact, that his heart stops and he requires CPR. The only person around who can do this has broken his arm or something, but that's fine, because I heard that crawling up to someone and smashing your elbow into their chest in a manner that honestly looks more like a wrestling move, totally works. Especially when you do it a total of 3 times.

But it's okay, everyone, because he found some electrical wires and plugged the guy in! And as we have already learnt, this works exactly the same as a defibrillator, and the guy recovered instantly and was up and running.

However, now we have another problem. Broken-arm CPR-giving guy is now SUPER injured, in fact he is in heart failure.

Cue dramatic moment in the film. Important guy is dying. Half-robot guy knows what he has to do. "Take it". He says. He gives his heart to the broken-arm CPR guy.

Hey, why not give him the heart from the half-robot guy? It's not like his heart is totally damaged from being PUNCHED BY A ROBOT or anything. And he'll totally be the same blood group and tissue type, because that would not be an extraordinary coincidence for 2 unrelated people.

They go on to perform the heart transplant in a GAZEBO, in the middle of the desert. The transplant is performed by the only medic available, who in the last film was a practising VET...

I started laughing in the cinema hysterically, and just shouted at the screen "This is the most ridiculous thing I have EVER SEEN! A heart transplant? What the hell?!"
Or something along those lines. I got shushed. People were annoyed. My cousin was positively embarassed.

I'm sorry, movie makers, there are some things I can swallow, and even enjoy, but this is not one.
To recap: HEART TRANSPLANT, in a TENT, in the DESERT, from a guy who got PUNCHED IN THE HEART BY A ROBOT, who was then subsequently ELECTROCUTED performed by a VET. I would have a lot of trouble coming up with something LESS feasible than that!

How to care for your medical student

2011-07-28T19:00:00.000+01:00

1. Caffeine
2. Chocolate, or other sugary treats to keep their energy levels up.
3. A quiet place can keep them calm, away from upset. Try a library or secluded room in the house.
4. Reassurance that they have actually done quite a lot of revision. Tendency to underestimate this is often a cardinal symptom.
5. Coloured pens and folders can often help them as visual aids to organise their thoughts.
6. Caffeine
7. Try to use soothing words and quiet tones. They may become hysterical at times- this is normal.
8. Medical Students often neglect sleep. You may need to lure them into bed with promises of flash cards or Pastest books.
9. Jokes that they haven't worked enough, while perhaps funny at other times of the year, are very distressing to those in this situation and should be avoided.
10. Often they will develop strange behaviours such as sleeping on their books to "let the knowledge seep in" to their heads. Delusions like this are not easily challenged.
11. Force may be needed in order to persuade students into the sun. This is important to avoid Vitamin D deficiency.
12. Extra caffeine- this should be in constant supply.
13. You may need to encourage the student into Activities of Daily Living, such as basic washing and self-care. Phrases such as "you look like shit" can be particularly effective, or pointing out they've been wearing the same pyjamas for 3 days straight.
14. Tranquillisers

OSCE feedback

2011-06-13T21:40:00.002+01:00

I got the following feedback from my in-course OSCE today:

Passed all 8 stations
Standardised mark: 73
Centile: 14 (I am in the top 14% of the year)

Clinical Examination: Grade A Decile 0 (I am in the top 5% of the year)

Clinical Reasoning: Grade C Decile 4 (30% of the year did better than me)

History Taking: Grade D Decile 8 (70% of the year did better than me)

Practical Skills: Grade A Decile 2 (10% of the year did better than me)

Communication Skills: Grade C Decile 9 (80% of the year did better than me).

Does this make sense? I did really well overall, yet apparently am terrible at history taking and communication skills. So I managed to be a good doctor whilst grunting and waving my arms madly at patients.

From chatting with my friends, it doesn't seem that anyone did brilliantly at history or communicating, and that most people got C's, so I'm not too far off everyone else, which makes me feel better.

But also apparently my friend failed history taking and got C's in them. So really, WTF does this feedback mean? I have been told I'm good and bad at certain things seemingly arbitrarily. SO confused.

2011-06-01T17:47:00.002+01:00

Dear Everyone I Know,

Right, so here's the thing. I am a MEDICAL STUDENT. You know this. You also know that if you look me up in a thesaurus I'll have synonyms like "busy", "stressed" "overworked" and "what's a social life, again?"

My life is FULL. I have clinics to attend, patients to clerk, seminars to prepare, essays to write. I have things to do for my society, and just occasionally I have to squeeze in things like exercise and buying food as well.

You should see my diary, honestly. On any given day I may well have to go to at least 2 hospitals, attend meetings, I have to fit in library time and time to do assigned work. I have to travel, back and forth, around London, on public transport. I have society events in the evenings, and I arrange to see friends. On the occasion that I have a free space of time, it's usually there for a reason- because I've decided I want to actually cook myself a fresh meal, or get enough sleep, or be able to see my bedroom floor.

So if you feel like texting me at random halfway through the day to see if I'm free, I'm not. I would like to be, but it's just not going to happen. And until you realise this and give me warning so I can plan when to work and when to see you (which I will gladly do, but I have deadlines to meet) well... You're just not going to see me, I'm afraid!

New rotation!

2011-05-14T21:01:00.002+01:00

And this one is good because- *drum roll please*

...

...

...

I'm actually getting some teaching!!!

Yeah, you hear that? Doctors are actually taking time to tell me about diseases and treatments and examinations and stuff! I don't have to just read it in a book and hope I understand it! I will actually get shown how to do things, perhaps with real patients! I will get to discuss clerkings after I have done them, so I'm told what I missed/could have done better! I may even get recommended good patients to see!

I should be this excited about this, right? I mean it's a rare occurrence for a medical student in London to actually be taught something?

Something I have learnt very quickly is that the teaching hospitals are actually terrible for teaching:
Teaching hospital = high status hospital = complex cases = stressed doctors + doctors who want to do research and have better things than explain simple stuff to students, thankyou very much.

(I understand there's a lot I can just read about... but if I could just learn from reading, I wouldn't need to be in med school...)

I'm sticking with DGH's as much as possible.

I also have lectures this term, which is very exciting for me. I learn a *lot* from lectures. Read a chapter of a book- I've glazed over halfway through. Someone talks to me for an hour and throws in a few memorable stories- I can remember what's going on!

All in all I'm very excited!

Questions I would like to see on the OSCE FAQ's

2011-04-11T13:56:00.002+01:00

As OSCE's draw ever-closer, the more my fellow students (and I!) start to panic. As most of us are highly academic creatures, used to teachers explaining to us exactly *how* to pass exams, the idea of the unknown seems to unnerve a lot of us and we run to the anonymous FAQ section of the virtual campus, asking multiple variations of the question "but what are they actually going to test us on in the exams?".
People start panicking and asking exactly how to do very basic things, like talking to patients, as if there is some exact protocol. They ask weird things like if they can bring their own equipment. They ask exactly how to do really simple things like use a stethoscope. They also ask brilliant things like "is it okay if I don't actually do these stages of the examination/procedure/history but just tell the examiner I *would* do it", and various other hilarious questions like "I faint when I take blood, is this okay?"
It provides me hours of procrastination/amusement to read these, honestly :-)

Sorry guys, but when you're all, you know, *real doctors*, you won't get advanced warning of what the patient is going to have wrong with them. No-one's going to tell you which way to examine them, and you certainly can't just let them get ill and later explain what you "would have done". So I say suck it up and learn everything, and deal with what happens like a real human being.

Anyway, without further ado, these questions are what I'd now like to see on the FAQ... just one step on from what's already there:

Dear Dr Vince, I was planning on wearing the following outfit to my ICE... Blue short-sleeved shirt, black skirt, black flat shoes. Do you think this is acceptable or will the blue and black clash?

Dear Dr Vince, what is the appropriate way for me to introduce myself to the examiner? Shall I show them my badge straight away, or is that presumptuous? Do I wait for them to talk to me? What if I get the patient and examiner mixed up?

Dear Dr Vince, what shall I do if I forget how to spell a drug name in the exam? Will they accept phoenetic spelling? Can I explain to the examiner what word I am trying to spell?

Dear Dr Vince, when I meet the actor patient, is it appropriate for me to shake their hand? Obviously I won't have alcohol-gelled my hands as soon as I enter the station and I don't want to breach infection control guidelines.

Dear Dr Vince, when talking to patients about bowel motions, I prefer to have a handy stock set of bowel motion pictures for the patient to point to the one most closely representing their own. Am I allowed to take these with me to the ICE's?

Dear Dr Vince, am I allowed to take my lucky pet rock with me to the ICE's? I have it with me most day on the wards, and it helps me concentrate.

Dear Dr Vince, what is the best way to read the leaflet of information before I get into the ICE station? I prefer to read out loud to myself, will this be allowed within the exam setting?

Dear Dr Vince, I find it hard to use the patients available at the CSC. Would it be possible to bring my own patient into the exam?

What is clinics like?

2011-03-20T14:31:00.002Z

So now I'm in my first clinical year, I don't think I've explicitly posted what I think it's like.

It's boring. So boring!

There really isn't that much for me to do. I talk to patients, take blood occasionally, and follow doctors around on ward rounds. Quite often, the doctors don't even tell me what's wrong with the patients, so I'm just watching them ask them if they've had a bowel movement (it's all about bowel movements).

The logbook is the bane of my life. I have to get signed up for being able to do various things... taking blood, taking histories, examining patients, interpreting blood tests and x-rays. However often these sign-ups are done by me accosting a doctor or nurse and getting them to watch me do it once, which doesn't seem that satisfactory. What if I just got lucky? Why isn't there a system in place to make sure I have to practise?

This is the first time that I have actually felt like complaining about my university and how my course is run, actually.
Last 3 years- it's gone great, everything was provided for.
This year- I'm just sent to a hospital, with or without some semblance of a timetable, and I've got to hope that the doctors want to teach me. Sometimes you get lucky and someone really involves you and explains things to you. Sometimes you don't, and you get ignored.

That's not to say that I won't like my future career. At the moment, I feel in some weird limbo-stage of half-knowing what's going on, and half not being allowed. I'm sure when I'm fully involved and know about the patients and have more knowledge, that will improve the longer I'm on the wards.
I also think that looking into more specialties will be interesting for me too. At the moment, I just do very general things. I'm looking forward to things like paediatrics, sexual health and surgery, which all come in later years.

Heh

2011-02-09T00:19:00.001Z

Being in London, you get to see a wide variety of people from all different backgrounds- doctors included!

Today I sat in with an italian doctor who introduced me to all his patients by saying "we have a lady with us today!"

Just a thought.

2011-02-02T23:42:00.002Z

So far, I have been on the wards for 4 months, and I have seen 2 doctors cry, and one today on the verge of tears.

(All 3 were women, but I'm only reading into that that we tend to show our emotions easier).

Some days I wonder what I'm getting myself into...

Oh dear TFL

2011-01-30T13:37:00.006Z

Going on a hot date this weekend?

...not with 3:1 heart block, you're not!

Hard

2010-11-29T00:12:00.001Z

This is the first year that I have genuinely thought- "being a medical student is hard."

Getting work done and being on the wards is difficult. It's almost like having a full-time job AND homework... although most of the time no-one actually cares if I'm there or not. No wages to lose!

Clinics!

2010-09-24T18:18:00.002+01:00

So I'm a clinical medical student now!

...and I'm TIRED!

We've just had 2 weeks of introductory teaching, on things like how to take blood, how to take a history, how to examine the cardiovascular system, etc.
And it's really surprising how much learning tires you out when you actually have to DO things. I'm used to slouching in a chair in a lecture theatre, only having to listen (and even then occasionally dozing off), and having to stand up and perform what you've learnt and answer questions suddenly requires a lot more physical effort than I've ever have to put in before.
I'm dreading being in hospitals and having to stand up all day. I'm one of those tall thin girls who passes out in crowds and on hot days and stuff, so I think I'm going to have to get used to this rather quickly! (I used to be thinner, so I'm probably a bit sturdier now.)

A lot of things that I never really thought about, or never thought they'd be a problem, have suddenly come up as well. Like:

1. You have to TOUCH people. All day. Sick people. Coming from a culture of not really being that physical (excepting the odd handshake), this is really quite weird at first. Touching people's feet and things is something I'd normally slightly avoid, but now you've just gotta get in there and do it!

2. I'm going to spend a lot of time in the way. Already we had a ward round and about half of my time was spent trying not to crowd corridors, cough in the wards (I'm currently ill) and getting out of nurses' way. This is going to happen a lot.

3. I'm going to be face-to-face with people and have their full attention, while I have to ask them very personal questions. I could quite easily screw this up and offend someone.

4. I'm going to have responsibilities that are a bit scary. Knowing things about people that are private and important, taking blood for the first time and trying not to screw it up. Patients may tell me things that I have to act on against their wishes.

5. Learning is down to me now. I have to turn up, no-one is going to make me. I have to decide what I want to learn today and go and ask people if I can practise on them. I'm very used to being taught, so this is going to take a bit of getting used to.

In a way, I just breezed into medicine, knowing that I like science and I like people, and just being so determined to get in (which is mostly pure-academic hurdles) that I never really thought about the fact that I would have responsibility, and the chance to screw up and hurt people, and there would be things I didn't actually want to do. This is all hitting me really late, which is kinda strange that I never thought of it before I guess. Or maybe you can't understand it until you see it. Hmm.

Anyway. I start in a hospital on Monday. In two days!

Success!

2010-09-11T14:19:00.003+01:00

Oh dear, I can only apologise, I have been away from this blog for far too long!

Anyway, after all the stress of my last few posts, I can happily reassure you all that it all worked out in the end :-)

I passed my BSc in Anatomy and Human Sciences with a 2:1
I passed my AKC, so I get those letters after my name as well
I passed my British Sign Language course, so I have level 1 BSL

The interesting hernia of the cadaver I dissected was presented by my classmate at a conference in Glasgow, which is something for the CV :-)

My dissertation had some interesting conclusions which hopefully will be published in the future with some further work... the professor will let me know, as far as I'm aware that research is ongoing.

So in conclusion, last year took a hell of a lot out of me, but I just about made it.

I've spent the summer alternating between;
doing a prosection for my anatomy department, which hopefully I will get paid £100 for- and again it's good for the CV!
and working in my beloved piercing shop- and I got taught to pierce ears this year! I'm hoping learning the technique is going to prepare me for procedures I will need to do next year.

Term starts on Monday so I've gotta get ready to work myself to death all over again! I really don't learn... I'm heavily involved in Sexpression still this year, and just applied for an SSM that has a very heavy workload... what can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment!

This year I'm in hospitals on placement for the first time... it's going to be very different, I'm not really sure what to expect! Hopefully it's much more interesting seeing it all for real though :-D

Anxious

2010-04-29T21:17:00.004+01:00

Very, very anxious.

My dissertation is due in tomorrow. This one piece of writing is worth a quarter of my degree.
It's basically done now. In fact, I struggled for ages to reach the minimum word count (8,000 words.) Of course, now I've reached it I've thought of loads of extra things to put in!

I've written about 8200 words, and I have 82 references. I really hope I can do well on this, because some of the other modules are very difficult, whereas I had a lot of time to produce a good piece of work for this.

Also tomorrow, I have a viva for my anatomy module. This exam is 5% of a module, so naturally I haven't done any work for it at all.
I've never actually been this underprepared for an exam before. And what makes it so much worse is that it's oral, so I'll be failing right in front of someone's eyes :-(
Our lecturer has emailed us assuring you get 0.5% just for turning up, and to definitely come, even if you are worried... it's like he can read minds! (Apparently some people just haven't gone before- I don't blame them.)

Still, it could be worse. Everything went wrong for my boyfriend's project and he only managed to get some results 2 days ago- yet was still unbelievably denied an extension. So he has to write half his whole project tonight, bless him!

Clinical Partners

2010-03-29T18:52:00.002+01:00

So I met my boyfriend here at uni- he's another medical student, in my year. We've been together and lived together (with other housemates) for the past 2 years now.

We're both intercalating this year, which means we will both start our clinical training next year. Now, when you do your clinical, you get sent to different hospitals, with a few other students- known as a "firm." You can also choose a "clinical partner", who will always be in the same firm as you, and you can always work with.

My boyfriend and I have spent at least a year trying to decide whether to be together! We do work brilliantly as a team, actually, we have very different strengths so complement each other well. But all day, every day? The fact that we live together as well would mean we'd be together nearly 24/7. We have managed this before- after all, in 2nd year we went to lectures together, which made it easy to spend time together before or after.

I'm not sure I want that again, though. It makes being together too easy, without any effort being needed. This year we've actually had to arrange seeing each other, and been doing proper dates and nights out and things, which is nice. I've heard that living with your clinical partner is overload, even when it's just a friend- you just get fed up of seeing the same person all the time!

The main thing I am afraid of is the fact that either of us could be sent to a peripheral rotation- where instead of being in Central London, you'll be in somewhere like Kent for 6-12 weeks, with accommodation there. Worst-case scenario would be that I get sent out for one term, and my boyfriend for another, meaning we spend 2 out of 3 terms apart (and alone without a partner). My boyfriend and I don't really do too well when we're apart- say in the summer, we aren't very good at keeping in regular contact when we're too far away to visit. Still, you can come back at weekends and things.

I think I've pretty much made up my mind though, that I'd rather we weren't partners this year. I'd rather miss my boyfriend than get completely fed up of him!
It would be nice if we were a good little team together- but I'm not sure it'd work like that, and it could be awful, with little arguments at home carrying on at uni, or vice-versa. We could always be partners later on in the course, as well- apparently in 5th year being partners only means we'll be in the same hospital, which is pretty much perfect.

So I've decided to go without a partner for this year. I don't have another person that I'm close enough to to partner with, and to be honest I think being with anyone for a whole year is going to result in overload. I'm looking forward to meeting new people from my year in the firms layout, and hopefully getting closer to coursemates this way :-)

Fingers crossed I don't get sent to Kent on my own though, I don't think I'd like that :-s Apparently a girl on her own is less likely to get outposted though, which makes sense. I could also pick a language SSM which means I need to be in central london all year- but I need to consider carefully whether I actually want to do a language first!

RIP

2010-03-27T16:06:00.003Z

It's a while since it happened, but I haven't felt like saying much about it really.

A medical student from King's got killed on the 10th March in a road accident. He got hit while cycling to lectures, not 5 minutes from campus.

Haris Ahmed was a good friend of my boyfriend- he was (and is) devastated, as are a lot of people, as he was very popular and great fun to be around.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23813998-medical-student-cyclist-killed-in-collision-with-tipper-truck.do

It's such a sad event, and so tragic- it just shouldn't have happened. It was such a shock- you don't think it will happen to you.

RIP, Haris. xx

Website!

2010-02-12T20:53:00.002Z

So I have got into the BSc thing, and am doing quite well, but actually now am really stressed and anxious. This is worrying me. If I can't cope with a BSc, how am I going to cope with the rest of medicine?

Anyway, as a welcome distraction to all of this, I have been making a little website, which is (hopefully) full of tips and advice to prospective and current students out there.
Check it out: tipsforstudentliving.org.uk

Gooood news!

2010-02-02T23:38:00.000Z

So I went through the final results of my brain scan project today...
AND I HAVE RESULTS!!

Like, all of the results I had done up til now rendered absolutely nothing, and I was feeling pretty crap about it- all that work and nothing gained, and that would make it tricky to write a dissertation on :-(

But I have results, that I can write a dissertation on...

AND IT MAY WELL BE PUBLISHED!
Not much has been done on this before, and my professor says there will be a paper on what I've found :-)

If it all works out as I hope, this could be the second!!! published paper I get my name on as a result of this year... which makes it all worth it, as one of the main reasons I did the bloody BSc.
Yay :-D

I kinda get it!

2010-01-27T21:17:00.002Z

I'm kinda getting into this BSc thing (finally!)

A lot of blood, sweat and tears (ok, only the second two were literal) has led to me managing to get fairly decent essay marks so far- a B+ (high 2:1) and... a first!
I'm deliriously happy about the first. Literally, it's like when you got a sticker on your work in primary school. A shinysticker. I haven't felt that way about an academic acheivement since A-levels, when I was so obviously graded.
I managed to get a first for a group presentation as well. Although, I am of the belief that it greatly helped our marks that everyone in the class marked each other :-)

I might be on my way to getting published- in a dissection project we found our cadaver had an obturator bladder hernia, which is very rare, and possibly worth a paper :-) I'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed on this one! That's half the reason I did a BSc, for the oppurtunity to get published, so I really hope it happens.

I'm actually learning what I managed to completely miss so far in the medical degree- and that's how to be a scientist.
Sure, medics do science, but I wasn't reading the latest papers and critically evaluating them, mistrusting textbooks because they take at least 2 years to get published (and thus are instantly two years out of date!), and going away and reading exactly how something works, for my own interest. I had actually managed to get this far in my academic career avoiding essays for the most part- next year I will breeze through my SSC's!

If nothing else, I spent an amazing two hours with a man who knew everything about how to search online, the different databases that exist and how to get the best out of them. This year was almost worth that alone- he was amazing!

Still, this is all well and good but I've got a 2000 word essay due friday that I've only done 400 words of so far- I better get on that!

Relationships, and why I should have a wife.

2009-11-26T14:22:00.006Z

My boyfriend (who is one of my housemates) and I, decided we needed to get together to compare diaries- we do different BSc's this year, so have different timetables, and both do a lot of extra-curricular activities.
As it turns out, the next weekend we have free, or even whole evening, is probably in January.
JANUARY. It's November! And I live with the guy!

It's not like this is really going to get better, either, is it? Like we'd have more time were we in clinics. Or one day it'll be fine, because... we'll be working and have evenings... oh no wait, doctors don't have free time :-p

I have come to the conclusion that dating a medical student is all wrong.
People say the medic-pairing has advantages- they understand better what you're going through, and you can talk about medical stuff without having to explain it.
I still think that actually being able to see your partner is a much better deal! I could date a humanities student or something, who has few lectures and lots of independent study, and so chances are they will be at home when I manage to be.

In the future, I have decided that the best solution is for me to have a wife. (I'm female, but bi, so a "wife" of either gender is good!) A proper housewife, 1920's- style. They can stay at home and look after my kids, keep the house tidy and cook meals for when I get back.
I can be a busy surgeon and go in for work at all hours, knowing that I can come back to a house with everything done, and wifey to destress me, and have time for me.

It must have been easier for busy doctors in those days, in the housekeeping aspect at least. I of course don't really want to force someone to stay at home and focus their life on making mine easier for me! Society is getting past that, which is great, but everyone having a career means they have less time to do everything else.
(That said, I have a male friend who could easily work from home with his I.T degree, and is very handy around the house. Hmmm...)

Probably the best solution for the future is to find someone who can share at-home duties with me. If I decide to go for an intensive career like surgery, having kids would be a major gap in my career progression- I'd want to stay at home and look after them, screw that nanny shit- they're my kids! But that would really slow promotion aspects.
Maybe I should wait until imaginary husband and I are both consultants, who only have to work a few days a week. We can share baby-looking after, working in shifts :-p so I don't have to give up my life. (Of course, I'd probably be so old by then that my babies would be at increased risk of Down's Syndrome, amongst other things.) Now to work out how to persuade a guy into that...

Bad times

2009-11-07T15:36:00.004Z

I'm really busy, not happy, and don't have anything positive to post.

Normal service will be resumed shortly (hopefully.) In the meantime, have some Mock the Week:

What have I done??

2009-10-06T23:52:00.004+01:00

Oh my gods, my course is SO HARD! I should have done clinics, sticking needles in people would have been less stressful...

I have a new-found respect for biomeds. Everything is about having to do extra reading, keeping up with current research (which means looking up journals... I hate journals) and MOST OF THE EXAMS ARE ESSAY QUESTIONS! *hides* Essay questions? In science? And to get firsts you need to reference extra reading, in the exam essay. This year is going to be a LOT of work.

Also in my Advanced Anatomy module I have a Viva- a face-to-face oral exam!
I have to say, I'm a little disappointed because the course is mostly about limbs and back, which is my least favourite anatomy. I like organs (that aren't muscles.) I'd rather they were a bit more general. I'm also a little worried because apparently last year, only one person got a first out of everyone taking the module. Surely if that is the case, the module is pitched too high? They have changed the exam format from 4 essays to 3 and some MCQ's, which should help a little I guess.

The "Mechanisms of Development" module is ridiculously hard as well... It's way over my head, I've only had about 4 lectures referring to embryology in my whole two years of study so far and I didn't get much from them. The other day I literally just wikipedia'd "embryo" to get myself some basic information.
The course seems to assume a lot of previous knowledge- yesterday I had a lecture on "Signal Transduction Pathways." I don't even know what they are! Then we had a two-hour lecture on fruit flies and I fell asleep. Right in the front row, about a metre away from the lecturer. The shame...

Behavioural science looks really good, however. We get given all the reading we need to get a first, and the lecture titles look really interesting :-)

The Professor teaching that is my project tutor for my research project as well, so I'm feeling hopeful that it may be interesting. Or at least simple. I meet with him tomorrow about it, so fingers crossed!

Even just the introductory lectures last week has made me realise how spoon-fed we are as medical students. Mostly we just had to turn up to lectures, and remember what we had been taught- there wasn't too much to do off your own back. Sure, there was a lot of timetabled hours, and a hell of a lot to learn, but it was all GIVEN to you. I'm not very good at motivating myself to do things on my own, and get nervous without instruction/feedback. And i'm not great at essays!! I guess if I make it this year, I'll have a lot of useful skills for later on in my study... If I make it!

Study worries aside, I am enjoying all the extra-curricular stuff I've taken on. I'm settling into BSL ok now, I've learnt quite a bit, even if I do still have some trouble understand the teacher sometimes.
I'm back at Childline, which is nice :-)
I'm now up-to-date with Sexpression stuff which is good, but the training weekend is soon so I'll need to make sure all the teaching is ready for that. I've now realised that I don't have to do it all myself, and can get the rest of the committee to help me, which is both obvious and useful.
Swimming training is now 3 days a week! Monday evening, Thursday evening, and Saturday morning at 9am! I'm not sure I'll make the saturday one too often ;-) I was was feeling a bit "meh" about swimming, I'm not brilliant and felt a little out of the friend loop last year. I nearly didn't go, but loved it when I did :-) I'm one of the more experienced waterpolo players now, which is a great confidence boost, and means I'm needed on the team! Also compared to the new people of course I have good friends there as well. Yay! :-) Training three times a week is a lot for me though... I'm so unfit! And usually ill! Hopefully it'll be ok, but I've already been invited out drinking on a Wednesday as well, which I think I'll pass on. I need some time for study and sleep!

Sometimes I wonder if I've taken too much on, or if I've taken on the right things. What if I decide I want to do surgery, but I don't really have anything relevant in my activities? I guess what I do have looks good though, and I can always change around later as I become more sure of what I want to do. As for time, last year I was involved in quite a few other societies that I think will give a miss this year. I don't have the energy to throw myself into anything else, and why do it if you can't do it wholeheartedly? Also, I do need to watch my time- any spare time I have after this lot and studying will be for seeing the friends I already have I think!

Unneccessary politics.

2009-09-25T02:43:00.002+01:00

Eurgh.

Stupid freaking student paper!!

I had volunteered to be "babe of the month" in the student paper, thinking it would be a bit of harmless fun.

Oh no. Not at all. Apart from my ex trying to insult me about it, I also got the sabbatical officers on their high horse apparently... the brief article about me was published with the word "objectified?" over it and several questions for people to write in about, all leading towards getting students to disagree with the point of the article.

I went out clibbing tonight, and after all three of the sabbatical officers asking me repeatedly if I felt objectified, I went home in a thoroughly bad mood.

I'm all for equality- trust me, I'm considering being a surgeon- but I don't think posting a little jokey post in the student paper is exactly sexist, ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS BOTH A MAN AND A WOMAN POSTED! So I've had people up in arms at me all night about it- ruining my night out, and for nothing. I doubt anyone cares enough to write in. It's just me that's affected. That's the last time I try to help out the freaking student paper.

First lesson of BSL!

2009-09-23T00:47:00.001+01:00

So I have had my first uni lesson now :-) My first session of BSL (British Sign Language.)
It was EXHAUSTING! The teacher can't actually speak, and so it requires an intense amount of concentration to pick up/work out what he is saying. 2 hours of it completely frazzled me! We are all supposed to only mouth words, too- so you don't get an easy break from someone else saying what's going on. He can hear though, which means he can help if you do get stuck.

I must say though, he is an amazing communicator: through mouthing words, miming things, bits of sign language we picked up, and writing only the occasional word on the board. He'd point out when we were doing things wrong through overexaggerating them, which made the class quite funny, too.

I think I was a bit nervous as well, being my first time back- hopefully I'll relax into it more as I get to know the other students. Kinda weird though, not talking to them :-) We had to ask each other's name through finger-spelling, which takes me much longer at this stage, but I guess has the benefit that not only do you know someone's name, you can also spell it straight away. Not much good for pronounciation though. Still, that doesn't actually matter within the class.
I guess I'm struggling with the class format, too, as normally I just sit at the back and write everything down *wry smile* no note-taking here, you need your hands free and to get involved.
I think I'm going to enjoy it, but I'll need to make sure I'm on good form for my lessons!

We learnt a lot in a short space of time, too. After two hours I had the alphabet down and a lot of lazy mistakes I've developed corrected, I know where to put my hands while signing, I can ask/give my name, ask/give where someone lives or was born (including N,E,S,W), and have learnt a few things about deaf culture too... like you don't clap when someone does well (they won't hear it!), you wave your hands in the air sort of jazz-hands style, but upright. I like it, it's cute :-D

So yeah. Very interesting, but going to be a lot of work I think!

A good point...

2009-09-16T23:33:00.003+01:00

...was made today by my friend when I was telling her about how excited I am to be working with a professor.

She said "If it gets published, you're on a paper"

If! I'd been thinking this was some kind of certain thing... silly me. He has done quite a lot of published research in recent years, so fingers crossed. But I need to refine my ideas and remember that this is just a possibility.

*sigh* Should probably stop being over-excited about it now, and focus on all the work starting soon.

Getting into shape

2009-09-16T01:41:00.004+01:00

So things are coming together for the new term... slowly.

I have now received confirmation of two of the modules I am studying next year- about time too, seeing as I start next week!
But I'm very happy about it, becuase I'm lucky enough to have got into both of the modules I really wanted, and were competitive to get into! I'm into the Advanced Human Anatomy module, and I have got myself onto a research project with a professor!! I'm so, so excited :-) Basically I was the one person he selected, who will be working with him on his own research, which should mean I get published! It's really great news.
Of course, working on his research is going to be running some very, very boring computer analysis- and then I have to write a big essay on it. Not exactly scintillating stuff, but provided I get published, it will be worth it in the end. I'm sure halfway through the year I'll start moaning about it, but I'm determined to give it my best shot :-D

The rest of the modules I will be advised of when I get my timetable, basically- so I must have got into them, as no-one has contacted me to choose different ones, and there was no upper limit on numbers for them either.

It's very strange now that my pre-clinical year has gone their seperate ways- either to do different BSc's, or to clinics. I really feel for my friends doing clinics, actually- my housemate has started already and has an 8am start for lectures everyday, and very busy days with lots to learn; they're really piling the work on straight away! It's necessary for then to be prepared to go into hospitals soon, but I'm feeling quite glad I don't have that stress this year!

That said, I'm still managing to keep myself really busy- meeting up with friends now everyone's back here, cleaning and sorting out my house so it's all done for when I start, working shifts at my waitressing job here, and I need to do a lot of work for the Sex Ed society. It passes the time :-)

I really want to make the most of this year- I will have a bit more free time hopefully, so I want to use it to firstly, get a good degree, and secondly, make the most of all the extra-curricular things I can fit in. I'm learning British Sign Language this year, for example :-)
That's an interesting point though- my entire grade for this degree rests on this year :-S I hope I don't screw it up! A first or a 2:1 please, fingers crossed!

Home at last!

2009-08-31T18:39:00.002+01:00

My summer job has now finished, and I am back at my flat in London :-)

I really like my summer job, actually. I work in a piercing shop, which is nice because it's very relaxed and fairly easy, as well as giving me insight into the world of piercings, which I find very interesting. From a medical perspective I've learnt a lot, and I hope it will help me in future. A lot of what I've learnt is about how to easily remove a piercing, how to keep them clean and deal with them, and that most people worry about infection a lot more than they need to. I get the impression from the stories I've heard that the medical sphere doesn't know too much about these kind of things- so I'm considering writing about what I've learnt and trying to get it published somehow. I'm not sure what official guidlines are on dealing with piercings, or how to go about getting this acknowledged when I don't have any kind of statistical evidence :-( But I intend to look into it- maybe medical forums will be a good place to start.

It's really nice to be back here :-) I don't get on brilliantly with my parents, and after 6 weeks it's nice to have my own space again. I'm a bit stressed from the whole thing, and didn't go to Childline yesterday, even though I was here. I need to be in the correct frame of mind before I do.

It's not perfect here though, by any means! The walls are still paper-thin, for a start... and I've got a lot here to sort out; my chest of drawers needs replacing, which my landlord should have done but hasn't. The flat generally needs cleaning and tidying, as well as my room needing sorting out- it's full of clothes I no longer wear and books from last year.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that has happened is that for some reason the hot water isn't working. It was fine yesterday, and is supplied from a communal boiler for the whole block, so we haven't done anything to affect it ourselves (unless my landlord hasn't paid for it this month!) I hate cold showers, so I am going to be smelly today and hope it works tomorrow. If not I'll phone the landlord.

So there's a lot to sort out, but I have got a lot of free time too- my term doesn't start until the 28th! Hopefully I'll get everything how I want it in time to concentrate on my studies.
I'm really looking forward to next year- a whole year of Anatomy is going to be awesome!

Module news

2009-08-22T21:46:00.003+01:00

I got the Advanced Human Anatomy module!!!

I'm so pleased :-D :-D This is the main module I wanted, the only actual full-on anatomy option out of all the choices for the Anatomy BSc.
It's the one with the dissection time, and a group project in a dissection of OUR CHOICE, led by ourselves, that if we do one of the best we get to present to a few societies and professors :-)

I'm so pleased! Two of my other module options were pretty much guaranteed anyway- I don't think there's a number limit. So most of my BSc is probably in place!! I don't know when I find out the rest- I guess as that module is so popular they have to sort it out first, and if the others aren't actually limited there's no need to contact me in advance about it, as there are no potential problems or changes needed.

What I'm really waiting for now is waiting to hear back from the professor I applied to do a research project with. If I get that, I get to aid him with his research, and hopefully my name on a paper :-) Fingers crossed!

Very interesting- old medical videos!

2009-08-20T19:50:00.002+01:00

The Wellcome trust have started making their collection of medical videos online public.

A sample: Neurosurgery in 1933

This video is so interesting- it's crazy to see how different the surgery was then- he seems to pick the tumour out with his finger! And the patient lives, but still has impaired movement, which I guess is a very good outcome for the time, but still sad to see a young man like that. There's a certain macabre feel to those old silent films, as well. They fascinate me.

I think there are more on Youtube for anyone who is interested, under the user http://www.youtube.com/user/WellcomeFilm

Exam feedback

2009-07-15T18:44:00.005+01:00

About a week ago or so now, I received an awful lot of exam feedback. When I say a lot, I mean ridiculously large amounts, which I can't really interpret. I haven't even bothered posting it until now, because it doesn't seem particularly worth it.
Anyway, just in case anyone is interested, here it all is:

Written exams:
Subject and percentage of related questions answered correctly

Exam 1:
The hip: 83
The legs and thrombosis: 77
The back: 56
The shoulder: 77
The wrist: 46
Endocrinology: 80
Diabetes: 61
Cancer and the breast: 56
Fertility: 40
Puberty: 91

Exam 2:
The anatomy of the head and neck: 63
The healthy nervous system: 67
Stroke: 81
The ear: 90
The eye: 94
Epilepsy: 68
Parkinson's disease: 53
Dementia: 53
Psychiatry: 84

Exam 3:
Basic genetics: 81
Complex genetic disease: 58
Haematology: 79
Infections: 58

Seems like a little much, doesn't it? A lot of analysis for one set of exams, done at the same time.
What am I supposed to learn from these scores? My worst mark was for fertility- shall I decide right now not to be an obstetrician, based on this one assessment?

I am annoyed that my arm-related marks are low. I spent freaking ages learning the anatomy of the arm, and it doesn't seem it was particularly worth it!

OSCE

Out of 16 stations taken, I passed 14 and failed 2.

Then there is an analysis of every station I took, and how I compare to everyone else:
(Click for larger versions)

This I don't understand greatly. However I have taken from it that I failed an anatomy station, which I almost can't believe. It was the parts of the heart, I honestly don't see how I could have got that wrong! I just hope it won't affect if I get into the anatomy BSc :-S I'm sure they go on overall grades and not details like this, so hopefully I will be ok.
I did get very high in resuscitation, go me :-)

And this, which compares my marks to the MC (minimum competency) level:

Well I'm above minimum competency on everything, which is nice.

This makes me almost feel like a computer game character. I have been assigned skill levels for various tasks!
But again, it's all based on one assessment only. I know in myself, through my own experiences, what I find easy and what I feel I know, that I am better at anatomy than other things. This chart does not reflect that.
I don't like having 67th centile for anything, ever. Surely I'm better than that at communication? Who knows...

Hmm. Well, all this feedback is... nice. And I appreciate that it clearly took an awful lot of effort by someone to work it all out. Still, it seems... pointless really, I don't think it accurately shows my strengths and weaknesses, as it is all based on one set of exams and not a reflection of my overall performances and preferences. It's vaguely interesting, at best. I'm a medic, after all, not a statistician...

Exam marks

2009-06-29T19:30:00.001+01:00

I emailed my personal tutor because I was told she had our results before they were officially published. She has sent them to me:

Numbers in brackets represent the %age the particular test contributes
to the final mark
in course assemement 14/18 (18%)
Exam 1 67 (28%)
Exam 2 72 (28%)
Exam 3 70 (14%)
OSCE 65 (12%)
MBBS final 70 which is in the 23rd centile

Not bad :-) Last year I got 70, 70, 79 for the exams and 73 overall, so I haven't dropped down too much. I knew I wasn't going to do quite as well as I did last year, because I haven't focussed as much on the work, and done a lot of volunteering/societies instead.

The OSCE was a practical exam with several stations, so I have no idea what 65 means. 65% overall? 65... marks? I don't know. I guess I'll find out at some point.

What is a pleasant surprise though is that my centile ranking has actually risen from last year. Last year I was 27, and I've gone up to 23. One of my goals last year was to get into the top quarter of the year, so I'm very pleased (and not a little surprised) I've managed that. (My other goal was to get a merit, which completely didn't work :-p) I guess most other people got slightly lower marks this year too, and that has worked in my favour :-D

Now I've got into the top 25%, I must stay there :-) Maybe even the top fifth? Who knows :-p Hopefully this bodes well for me getting my desired BSc modules next year too... Although if all the people applying got merits I'm screwed :-p Only time will tell!
(And whatever modules I get in my BSc, naturally I will aim to get a first :-D)

Fed up of the downers

2009-06-28T11:05:00.001+01:00

Bah!!

I am TOTALLY FED UP of people bitching about medical school.

I think people get into medical school for the wrong reasons. If you want money, be a lawyer. If your parents are making you do it, forget it. If you just think you're better than everyone else, I hate you.
I swear some people have rich parents, go to a posh school, and just walk in here thinking they'll get by on smarts as they have done the rest of their lives. Sorry hun, you have to work, and you need to want it.

At the moment, sure, I've been stressed out, but I love medical school. I love being busy, I love learning something that interests me and I will continue to believe is worthwhile, no matter what anyone says!
Compared to being depressed, med school is easier... and I'm certain of what I want to do in life. I know some people in my year at least just thought "why not, I'm good at science" and for someone that spent years struggling to pass exams and get in, I have no sympathy for them!

Right now I have nothing to do and I'm bored, very bored. I'd like to be at uni working still, and because I hate going home I'm even looking forward to having less holidays in my clinical years...

I'm sure this will all change at some point, and I'll look back at this entry and curse myself for even THINKING of not wanting free time... but right now I'm fine.

I'm generally optimistic, and I will continue to be optimistic. I will not let every moany doctor who hates their job curse me and tell me to "just wait" until I feel that way too. I will not work myself to death until I decide I hate medical school and want to quit.

I am going to do the work that I need to get through, have hobbies and friends as much as I can to keep myself sane, and at the end of the day help some fucking people. I'd prefer it if they appreciate it, but even if they don't I'm still bloody-minded enough to believe that if they're generally healthier they're better off, in most cases.

I was shocked when I first met my fellow medical students, of how few of them were actually in it for the touchy-feely "help people" state of mind that I was. Well if they're getting pissed off, they don't have the reason to be here that I do. Even when I've doubted my own ability to get to be a doctor, I've never doubted wanting to be one.

I'm ignoring this pessimism. It's pissing me off, and I am NOT broken yet.

Family Sex Education

2009-06-24T02:26:00.003+01:00

So, it has come to pass that my parents have discovered that my little sister is having sex.

While I had my initial wibbles about this (she's too young! etc) I have got over it, and most importantly, I know she's being safe. I gave her a Sex Education Lesson at Christmas time, and she has told me she is being careful.

My parents, however, are not happy. They are angry with her because she is 15 (age of consent is 16 in the UK), for not telling them about it, and generally because she has, and they didn't want her to.

They are angry with me for not telling them when I initially knew she was thinking about it (and hence felt it time to give her a Lesson) and generally for me not agreeing with their view on the subject.

It's interesting here, because I've essentially done what I do through Sexpression, and simply teach the basics; as well as following medical guidelines- this 15-year-old I consider competent to make this decision, so I have allowed her to without informing her parents.

Of course, it's not that simple, because she is my sister.
Should I have discouraged her because that's what my parents want?
Should I have mentioned the age of consent again (that she already knows) rather than making sure she knows how to use a condom safely?

My view is that teenagers do what teenagers want to do, and I'd rather she had someone to get information from than simply being told "no".
Still, its a complex issue, and had I discouraged her, I could have possibly stopped her. Possibly... but my sister is very strong-willed. As I've said, I'm glad she has been safe, although it's a shame this has led to arguments within the family.

I PASSED!!!

2009-06-18T12:23:00.004+01:00

YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!

I AM AWESOME!!

I'm SO relieved... the third exam was SO hard, I was not feeling good at all!
Last night I had a dream I'd failed two exams, then woke up and was like "oh, its all a dream"... then fell asleep and had a dream that I'd REALLY failed two exams, and woke up like "oh phew, THAT was a dream too..." lol.

My little sister looked at the results with me and clicked on the open button (they're online) because I was too nervous lol.

So this year I've passed everything, got a "Silver Crown" for volunteering from the Student Union, lived with my boyfriend and been a Childline volunteer.... i'm so relieved it worked out!
I've managed to prove to overly work-focussed people (who thought I was wasting my time) that it is possible to do other things too :-)

Nervous!

2009-06-17T02:31:00.003+01:00

I am SO NERVOUS about exam results. This is a big change from last year, when I wasn't nervous until I was actually in front of the board trying to find my number. This year it's keeping me awake and everything!

This year though, it means a lot. Passing my exams is necessary for my chance to do an intercalated BSc next year.
I don't know why this is bothering me so much when I've clearly had future-changing exam results before. I think it's the immediacy of the effect... at noon tomorrow I find out whether next year I'm in lectures or hospital rotations, whether I'll be doing Anatomy or desperately applying the following year hoping they accept me a second time... Whether I'll be studying for retakes all summer!

I have decided to stay at home with parents for exam results. They're not always the most supportive when I don't do well *ahem* but they should be nice, and I have my siblings and various old friends here too if I need to cry on anyone's shoulder! Or celebrate with, fingers crossed...

Another reason to stay here is to avoid my workaholic housemate- last year she spent hours refusing to her results after seeking our encouragement, causing a lot of drama... and of course eventually came in very happy having acheived merits.
I don't see why she is so convinced she has failed when she works so hard all year... it makes no sense to me whatsoever. Anyhow, I'm better staying here out of it.

Of course I may miss a good party afterwards, but depending on my results I might just be crying in bed anyway :-S

I can't sleep.

Blood donor!

2009-06-14T13:30:00.004+01:00

On Wednesday, I gave blood for the first time :-)

I'm really pleased about this, it means a lot to me. I tried to donate in 2006 but was unable to due to a medical condition I had (and recent piercings.) I've had to wait until now to do it, but I'm so pleased I can finally do something that will hopefully contribute directly to someone's medical care :-D

Special thanks to my boyfriend for this- he came with me as I was nervous, and on the day before his holiday when he had things to do! He even drove me to the donation centre through London suffering tube strikes, because our local one wasn't open.

I'm so tired now though! After donating I was a little light-headed and very sleepy. I'm one of those people that faints easily, so at least I didn't pass out :-) The light-headedness went with food and sleep, but the sleepiness has pervaded...
It is definitely in part due to the last two weeks though- they've been really busy as I've had a lot to sort out after exams, including visiting my demented Grandma and getting a job. This and the recent blood loss have wiped me out! I'm back home with my family for a week now, and I'm actually pleased I'm in the middle of nowhere so I have little to do but rest.

Award times!!

2009-06-10T00:57:00.004+01:00

My beloved boyfriend got invited to a KCLSU (our student union) award ceremony as he had been nominated for an award.

He received Half Laurels for his commitment to "KCLSU or the KCL Community".
This is the third-best award the union give out- below Honorary Life Membership (which was awarded to Archbishop Tutu, amongst others) and Full Laurels.
I'm so very proud of him! He got it for his volunteering work including being RAG Vice-President.

He's really happy about it too. Its like, he would have volunteered anyway- both he and I did a lot this year and just put the effort in because we wanted to do the things. At times this has been thankless and we have been completely stressed and worn out, but the fact that this has been recognised for him has improved the downside somewhat :-)

Apparently I won an award too- a "silver crown". One of my friends from Sexpression did too :-) However I only know this because our names are in the booklet that my boyfriend brought home from the award ceremony!
I'm having a little trouble getting excited about an award that: a) I've never heard of, b) I didn't get told about c) I apparently don't receive anything for.

Still, again, it's nice that it was (apparently) noticed. After I found exams so difficult this year I was very much kicking myself for not concentrating more on work and less on volunteering. But the fact that I did all that not only made a difference directly, but meant something to KCLSU too.

The same for Childline actually- they sent me a certificate a few weeks ago, thanking me for being a volunteer :-D It's the little things that make it worth it.

Glad that's over!

2009-05-30T22:31:00.002+01:00

Exams are finished :-)
I would be happier, running-through-the-streets-singing, getting-as-drunk-as-I-possibly-can; but they didn't go brilliantly, so I am worried.

The first two were hard, definitely. This surprised me a little as because we were covering different stuff to last year but still pre-clinical, I assumed the questions would be of the same difficulty but on different topics. This was not so- I feel they were definitely more difficult. Still, I can't complain. I have greater background knowledge so should be able to deal with a step up.

The last exam was awful. It was only on 4 topics of the 20-odd we have covered this year, and because it was the last stuff we were taught, I thought I'd be fine to leave it until the night before the exam and read through it again. This was a bad idea. The questions were really difficult, and I ended up just guessing a lot of them.

I have a really bad feeling about this one. The worst part is that, if I fail, I won't be able to do the BSc next year, which I will be gutted about. I will have let myself down.

The other thing that is annoying me slightly is that some of the exam questions were very poorly worded. In two of the three exams corrections to the paper had to be read out during the exam- in the last exam some of the questions made little sense and I felt I could have answered them differently depending on how you interpreted them.
I'm considering emailing the head of year about this. I'm torn, because I don't want to be one of those people who complains whenever we aren't spoon-fed, but at the same time, I can't answer a question I don't understand. Maybe I should accept that there's nothing I can do now if I got it wrong, but at the same time, at the very least I can stop it happening to the next year down.

Exam results are in 3 weeks, which is very efficient! But what's the point of efficiently processing an exam with dodgy questions?
Anyway, I just have to put this all out of my head until then, and enjoy the free time. If I do fail, I'll have to retake in August which means back onto revision :-(

Past caring.

2009-05-25T19:11:00.005+01:00

I am past caring. Honestly. I have never been this woefully underprepared for an exam, or more uncertain about whether I'd actually pass the thing.

My boyfriend has worked out that we have been sitting in my room, studying all day, for over two weeks now. No wonder I can't do it any more!
I'd go to the library, but it's packed and I need to take so many books from home, it's not worth the effort to get there...

AKC

2009-05-23T14:13:00.002+01:00

So the results came out for the AKC exam yesterday- and I have passed :-)
That's two years done... one more year and I can be elected as an Associate of King's College, and have the letters AKC after my name!

To my extreme surprise (and delight for him) my boyfriend got a distinction!
He has also done better than me on the ethics exams this year- a fact I wouldn't consider so strange if I didn't know he hates ethics and empathy isn't his strong point.
In his OSCE, he asked a depressed (actor) patient whether she thought that her daughter's (accidental) death was her fault- the patient didn't talk to him after that! Poor boy, hehe. Might have failed that station...

However I think being of a Christian background is an advantage, as the AKC is predominantly about Christianity. My boyfriend is a practising Christian and choirboy, I am pagan so have to learn everything about the church off the bat.
I'll bear this in mind and get him to help me with further ethics/religion exams :-)

OSCE done!

2009-05-22T05:51:00.003+01:00

OSCE- practical exam to check minimum competency for me to go into clinical learning in third year. (Stands for Objective Structured Clinical Examination)
I had to do things like check someone's blood pressure, point out surface anatomy, lead a sight-impaired person to an examination room, take a history, explain a condition to a patient.

I'm happy now it's done :-)
It wasn't too bad actually- I had a lot of nerves at first, so my first few stations I rushed a little, and forgot basic things that I really didn't need to have... but it's done now.

It really is a "tick the boxes" kind of exam- it's all set up so you go in and do the right things for the marks, and you get enough, you pass. It was easier than I thought in some ways, as they clearly don't want to fail you, so as long as you turn up and know what you're supposed to do, you're ok.

The relative simplicity of the thing makes it all the more annoying that I forgot stuff! I'd revised it all, and knew it, but my own worry and rushing into things a bit meant I missed a few marks. It's kinda frustrating that I'd looked the stuff over and still forgot it- I guess my revision strategy is much more aimed at written papers, where I have time to sit and recall detail, and amend something from the beginning, whereas in the OSCE, if you haven't asked before you did something, you haven't asked.
To be fair they were very kind on this- if you finished a patient consultation before the allotted time, but then thought of something else, you can add it on; which was strange as you wouldn't get the chance with a real patient and it made for an unstructured consultation, but I'm not complaining as I could get the box ticked.

My exam was certainly made better by the people that were guiding me around the mass of stalls set up to examine us- they spent their time at rest stations flirting with the girls and making jokes, generally mucking around but encouraging us :-) A great way to reduce nerves and build confidence, and something they didn't have to do- so I really appreciated it.

I feel I would have done better had I known exactly was coming (haha, yeah, and known what questions there were too :-p)
What really made me nervous though was not knowing exactly what I'd have to do, or how certain things worked- once I was in there and had done a few stations I calmed down and knew the pattern, so it wasn't an issue any more.
A mock exam would have been perfect- but I know how much organisation it took to test all 400 of us ONCE, I can't expect it twice! And hell, I am a medical student, I can't expect to be spoon-fed. I could have done slightly better had I known what was coming, but part of life is improvisation.

One thing that has surprised me is how much about the exam was word-of-mouth. So many different people have told me little tidbits about X happening on a station so you have to react to it appropriately, etc... Older years tell you about what they had, and different teachers give you different tips, even. There really is an element of "who you know"... it's very useful to have made a lot of friends!
My boyfriend had his OSCE earlier in the week so then could come home and tell me about what questions he had and how the exam worked- a distinct advantage for me to have a better idea of the whole set-up before I've even started, and not really fair.
Apparently the results for the week are analyzed, and if people later on in the week do better this is corrected, which is the only way the examiners can handle it, really. I certainly can't think of a better way to test all of us at once!

Oh, and you can see the rescusciAnne doll's thoughts on our OSCE on Twitter :-)

SSM: History of the Medicalisation of Homosexuality.

2009-05-15T16:51:00.007+01:00

I said that I'd post about the results of my SSM meeting with my tutor.

It went really well! He has a reputation of being quite scary, and I thought he was going to drag me over the coals for my project being over the upper word-limit (that he said he wanted us to be much below).

But he said he found my project really interesting, and even told me about a further History of Medicine SSM I can do later on- where I have the oppurtunity of applying for a diploma from the Apothecary society (that I forget the exact name of at the moment).
That can only be a good sign! And I am TOTALLY doing that project when I get the chance.

* * *

And here is why my SSM was so damn interesting; while I was writing it, I've discovered a lot of things that were very interesting, and quite often shocked me. While I knew homosexuality was not agreed with in the past, the depth of things that happened, and views of homosexuals, was incredible to me and often very shocking.

Here are some of the things I discovered:

Homosexuality was not seen as wrong until the monotheistic religions came about: Judaism, Christianity, Islam.
(Although being the receiving male partner was seen as shameful)

Sodomy (normally taken to mean anal sex) was illegal from the mid-15th century until 1967 in england.

The first person to label homosexuality as a mental illness was Richard Von Kraft Ebing in 1886. By the early 1890's, he had changed his opinion dramatically enough to sign a petition to abolish the anti-homosexuality laws in his country.

Darwin due to his theories of evolution, thought homosexuality was a problem in "object choice" of mating.

Freud never developed a coherent theory of homosexuality- he thought it was due to a problem with development, but also that it was no disadvantage. He also noted that it was very difficult to "cure".

It is estimated that around 50,000 homosexuals were convicted by the Nazi regime during World War II.
5,000-15,000 died in concentration camps.
Treatments were tried on homosexuals such as castrating them and injecting them with testosterone.

During WWII, the American Army rejected ~5000 applicants, and dishonorably discharged 4000 sailors and 5000 soldiers for being homosexual.

Alfred Kinsey published a paper in 1948 on the sexual behaviours of men, and 1953 on women. Two of my favourite quotes:
"the data in the present study indicate that at least 37 per cent of the male population has some homosexual experience between the beginning of adolescence and old age.”
“28 percent [of women] had erotic experiences to other women by the age of 45; 19 percent had some type of lesbian sexual contact by age 40.”

The American diagnostic and Statistical Manual listed homosexuality as a "sociopathic personality disturbance" from when it was published in 1952 until 1973.

In the 1960's attempts were made to cure homosexuals with aversion therapy- treatments included making subjects have homosexual fantasies and then switch to disgusting images, electric shock treatment and apomorphine to induce nausea. (One man died from choking on his own vomit.)
(Click here for a BMJ paper on the subject.)

Current consensus is that these treatments were nearly always unsuccessful, and often very damaging to the patients.
(Click here for a review article on this.)

Nearly all focus on homosexuality was male-male homosexuality- lesbianism was mostly ignored.

When AIDS was first discovered it was known by terms such as "the Gay Cancer" (due to Kaposi's Sarcoma being an AIDS-defining condition) and "Gay Related Immune Deficiency" (GRID).

More and more research is being undertaken to prove a biological cause of homosexuality (I've been getting emails to partake in research projects at KCL.)
Although how useful this is in the long run is to be debated.

And the other day a "gay cure" conference was held in London.
(Click here for a news report.)

Feel free to ask me anything/express your view in the comments.

Light relief...

2009-05-12T16:23:00.004+01:00

This em cartoon in the London Paper really amused me.
And struck a chord.

My housemate is about to pop I think- going to the library from 6am-12pm at night. She got very stressed the other day apparently and has now gone home for the week. (Although I didn't realise until she texted me, I thought she was at the library!) I'm amazed she can keep that level of studying going, and wonder what she still has left to learn!

I've got a fair amount of stress myself- but when I get stressed I panic and stop working, so I'm managing to ignore it. I alternate between revision, computer and housework, it keeps me sane. I have made some truly awesome meals lately, I should photograph them...

Exams are looming- OSCE (practical exam) next week, written exams at the end of May.
It's going to be tight, but hopefully I'll cover everything in time(!).

Today I have an interesting evening ahead, because my Grandma has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and we need to go tell her that she is no longer allowed to drive, and make alternative arrangements.
It's not going to be fun, because she got quite upset when we mentioned it before. Also because of the dementia it's quite hard to explain new things to her because she keeps forgetting. I'm going along to help my Dad and his brothers, hopefully it will all work out ok.

Swine Flu

2009-05-04T23:12:00.004+01:00

I'm learning immunology at the moment, and nearly every lecturer has made a comment about how appropriate it is we're learning it now, because we could be looking at the next big pandemic...

My housemate amused me by spending so much time in the library studying that she didn't even know about swine flu until a few days ago.

Apparently they've shut a school in my local borough for a week due to swine flu, which is a little worrying. Here's hoping it doesn't spread, and not to my uni!

Do you have swine flu? http://doihaveswineflu.org/

Also I found this rather hilarious scare-mongering picture online... I love it :-)
(The advice is sensible, its just... that picture...)

Seriously though people, no need to panic yet!

Exams are a major buzz-kill!

2009-05-04T21:34:00.004+01:00

It's been a while since I last updated so I feel I should, but I have nothing to write about.
Nothing happens at exam time at all... Literally, in the world of academia, everything grinds to a halt. Bearing in mind today is Bank Holiday Monday, I tried to organise a picnic in the park. Only three people were interested besides my boyfriend and I (out of the at least 20 people I invited) and then it was grotty weather so we didn't go out anyway.

The only vaguely relevant thing I can do is give my results for the in-course assessments so far I guess. I've been pleasantly surprised by quite a few of them :-)

Endocrinology problem: 75%
Mid-sessional exam: 64%
Clinical Epidemiology exam: 89%
Medicine and the Arts SSM: 64 (out of 80)
Neuroscience computer tast: 97%
Neuroscience timed essay: 71%
Neuropsychology assessment report: 80%

So yeah, not bad at all :-)
I think all I have left now is and ethics exam (that DEFINITELY didn't go well) possibly a histology test mark, and my second SSM, which was a history of medicine project.

I wrote my project on the history of medical attitudes to homosexuality. It was insanely interesting, actually- I ended up writing over the 8000-word limit because I had so much to put in! I don't think I'll do too well on it though, I get the feeling my professor will be distinctly unimpressed as he asked for it to ideally be shorter than the 6000-word minimum target. Still, I learnt a hell of a lot :-) I have a viva (oral exam) on it tomorrow with him, I'll update on how that went. I might even put in some of the more interesting things I learnt- they're amazing!

But yeah, my grades have all come out a lot better than I expected, really. That's nice, as it gives me a bit of confidence for my finals :-)
The worst is my midsessional exam mark, I hope that doesn't come back to haunt me- I mentioned before some Anatomy BSc modules had a 65% cut-off limit, and some of them are only taking the highest acheivers. Apparently one of the modules I want has had 70 applicants, and takes about 15! Still, fingers crossed...

As far as revision goes, I've managed over the last few days to pull myself out of the motivation slump, so here's to getting going. I finally finished the upper limb as well today! I'd been distracted by OSCE revision and my SSM project, but they're out of the way. Only 4 more days of lectures as well... Eeek!

Bad times

2009-04-23T00:55:00.002+01:00

Revision is not going well.

I've learnt the upper limb, I mean really learnt it... up until the wrist, where my resolve started to fade.
I've done 5000 words of my essay, but have still more to do. It's getting boring now.

To be honest, I'm feeling quite down. Housemate problems, relationship problems, family stuff not going great...

I need to shake it off and get revising, but I've stalled for nearly a week now.

Anti-procrastination announcement

2009-04-16T12:38:00.002+01:00

If you're on here and not working, Squirrel is judging you.

Busy busy!

2009-04-10T00:38:00.002+01:00

I applied for my modules for the Anatomy BSc I want to take next year today :-)

I'm very nervous- two of the modules I want to take, equivalent to half the credits for the year, are very competitive and based on exam results to get into. My results aren't bad, but I'm not sure I've always attained the 65% they want- I think my midsessional last year was about 63%. Also, I know some top-level merit-attaining people are applying for this BSc and probably the same modules, so that's a certain number of places already taken before I even have a chance.

I feel it was worth the gamble though... I might as well try my best to get them, and if I don't, well I'll just have to pick something else.

But as it's all on exam results, I just need to get revising and do as well as I can really!

Exam nerves have set in- I'm one of those people who doesn't work until they feel enough deadline pressure, so I have a 6000-word essay to do by the end of the half term (on the 27th) and revision of the entire year by the same time in May. I panicked for a few hours, then phoned my boyfriend and he calmed me down.
I'm currently revising the upper limb and really enjoying it :-) I do love anatomy! There's such a huge volume of things to cover though... its a bit overwhelming with where to start/go next sometimes.

My OSCE (clinical exam) is a bit earlier- mid-May sort of time... I'm not too worried about that becuase I know I can do most of the things (blood pressure, handwashing etc...) and I already know first aid, and talking to patients I have the experience for, from Childline. Yay for skills gained :-)
But should probably go over it all again because there's bound to be some extra points I've forgotten, and also I know I'll be so nervous with someone watching me, I need to know this stuff upside-down and back-to-front so I don't forget it on the day!
I've been really lame and stuck a handwashing technique poster up in my bathroom- well it's one way to keep revising! I love posters, the house is going to be covered by exam time...

I'm just at my student house in London on my own at the moment. It's quite a relief actually- the stress levels were so high before that one of my housemates is no longer speaking to the rest of us, and even my boyfriend was getting on my nerves.
I went home for a few days to keep my brother company- the rest of my family are on holiday, jammy buggers! I'm back here to get things done, as I can get to the library and don't have too many distractions from work, as most other people are gone. It's a little lonely, but I'm generally ok :-) It means I can get to Childline as well, as I'm not attending as regularly as I should unfortunately.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my best friend, and talking to her about hopefully living with her next year- she studies in London as well, doing a different course at a different university. After all the arguments this year I could do with a non-medic around to make a change and reduce stress levels- I get on brilliantly with her as well, so it would be a really fun household if we can make it work :-)

Right, back to revision! I know its 1am, but this is when I work best...

It's that time of year again...

2009-04-01T16:31:00.006+01:00

...when everyone goes a little bit insane.

I don't understand. We're medical students, we're supposed to be ready and accepting of a stressful, work-driven lifestyle. Why can none of these people cope with the idea of a few exams?

Take the guy in lectures who's started shushing everyone who talks.
Fair enough, but annoying when it's several times a lecture, or when its a boring lecture no-one would listen to all of anyway, or when he takes photos of people on his camera phone to report to the head of year... (I'm pretty sure thats illegal?)

Take my housemate, who is in the library 7am-9am every day, 6 weeks before exams... who writes me passive-aggressive notes about my mice's wheel rattling and only socialises on someone's birthday.

Take the people who email the professors every day asking very specific, hypothetical questions that in all likelihood we won't need to know the answer to, or should be able to look up/work out ourselves- what happened to initiative?

Take the girl who has started drinking caffeine drink again and comes to lectures talking at 100 miles an hour...

Apparently true/false questions are being abolished from our multiple-choice exams because some cultures are more prone to ticking "true"... I haven't heard of a religion that states you're not allowed to disagree with statements, but I could be incorrect...
Also does this now mean our university is changing questions because PEOPLE ARE GETTING THEM WRONG?

I signed up for medicine fully aware of the packed timetable, the need to tackle difficult ethical issues, the vast amount of information I would need to learn, and the upsetting situations I would face. I was prepared to face dangerous diseases, but there is one bugging me most of all- exam insanity.

I was not prepared for the vast amount of crazy all around me! Everyone is stressed, everyone wants to vent, no-one has any time at all to just... chill out a bit!
I just want someone normal to spend time with, please?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... This is what happens when you only pick exam-oriented overacheivers.

How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb?

2009-03-25T18:57:00.003Z

...more than 4 apparently, the one in our bathroom went over a week ago and no-one in the house can be bothered to change it. My housemate has been showering in the dark!

I can't work out how to get the lightbulb out... it's in some kind of giant bulb thing that just doesn't seem to want to come detached from the ceiling in any way. It's the little things that make you realise how hard it is to live away from parents sometimes...

In other news, Universities want to make us pay even more money to learn apparently. My tuition fees are already £3,145 a year- I've calculated that I'm probably going to be in about £42,000 worth of debt when I leave medical school, so I'd like that not to get any worse(!)

Please everyone sign this petition:
http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/NohigherFees/

I have to say it does annoy me that any of us get fees charged really, but especially that medical students do. We study twice as long, so get twice as much debt, and at the end of the day are doing a degree that makes us beneficial to everyone else.
The clincher- apparently people doing courses like Film Studies get charged less because they're in Uni less as well. So I could do a much easier, less stressful degree, benefit the country less, and not have to pay as much to do it...

There are some good things I guess- apparently the NHS pay your tuition fees after your 4th year (I need to look into that) and at least I am getting value for money- I'm in every day, get a lot of contact hours, take up a lot of the staff's time and use a lot of resources. I'd be annoyed to pay that much just to spend all my time in a library.

I've applied for my BSc in Anatomy and Human Sciences and now need to pick the modules involved. I'm really hoping to do Advanced Human Anatomy, which is very competitive, and a Research Project, which is even more competitive.
A lot of prospective surgeons take the anatomy option so it's very popular, and at the end of it goes down to exam marks- I'm not the worst, but I'm not the best either. Still all I can do is apply for the "best" modules and give it a go... whatever happens I'll still end up with an Anatomy BSc after all, and that's the main thing.

I've emailed a research doctor about possibly doing research with him and he's sent me his last research paper and arranged a(n hour-long) meeting next Tuesday. A very good sign!
But i'm really nervous!
The paper is very interesting but I didn't understand all of it, and what am I going to talk to him about for an hour? What if he wants me to ask him things? I need to think of some intelligent questions...
I've been sending him emails and then running screaming around the house to relieve my stress. Works for me...

Feeling stupid...

2009-03-16T22:43:00.008Z

One of the things I didn't expect about medical school is how stupid it makes you feel.

Where I came from, I was pretty much the best in my school.
You've got to be, really, to get into medical school... The grades were AAB at A2 when I applied, and A*s at A-level are out now...
You needed a certain level grade on the UKCAT intelligence test, you needed something special on your UCAS form, then in your interview...
You needed to beat everyone else, basically. I have been told repeatedly that while you could learn medicine with C's at A-level, competition for places is what pushes the entry requirements up. If enough people are applying, why not choose the best?

But its a big shock when you get here. You're used to aceing tests, getting awards, generally finding easy what other people don't... and suddenly you're one of many. Loads of people are just as keen as you, just as smart as you, getting better results than you!

Suddenly, you're not aiming for top grades, you're aiming just to pass. I have been told this is the same for all degrees, but I can only comment on my own experience... and it's slightly odd to be going from aiming for 80% minimum to hoping to get 50%.

***

I may have been nearly the best in my school, but I'm far from the best here!

My A2 grades are a mere AAC (in Chemistry, Physics and Maths) not even meeting the entry requirements actually, and I only took AS biology- which I got a B in. (I also have an A in AS General Studies and C in AS German).

My school wasn't the best admittedly- I went to a comprehensive that, well, got set on fire by ex-students shortly after I left. (But it's not the best by any means!)
I do consider that with a higher level of teaching, and other issues in my life at the time sorted, I could have done better... but that's neither here nor there now.

As for how I applied to medical school- the first time I applied, I didn't get in. I got one interview, at Manchester. I nearly got accepted, got put in some kind of "hold" pile, but finally got rejected.
As for not having A2 biology- it hasn't disadvantaged me majorly, but I was never able to apply to Nottingham, which I would have liked to have been able to.

I got AAC at A2, as I said, and very nearly went for the biomedical science place offered to me by Leicester, but changed my mind at the last moment. I went back to my slightly charred sixth form, started retaking my C in maths, and taking A2 biology.
I reapplied for medicine, and this time got an interview with King's.
In the interview, I tried to come across as friendly as possible- that's the only tip I have for prospective students! And I got an unconditional offer, so I quit sixth form, got a job, and here I am :-)
(Funnily enough, Nottingham offered me a biomedical science place with higher requirements than Kings' medicine place! I think my actual words were "fuck that...")

But yes. So what I am trying to get across is that now, I am finding certain decisions have to be made. Fun versus work. Life versus studying. Experience versus knowledge.

Anyone who has read my entries up to this point will realise that I have tried to use this year to do a lot of things I was too nervous to, or never got round to doing before... making myself more well-rounded as a person hopefully! I've joined the swimming and waterpolo team for some exercise, volunteer for Childline on sundays, have been involved in a good few societies and am now on the committee of the Sex Education society :-)

Unfortunately, I've now come to a point where I'm realising I'm a bit behind with work. I did fairly well last year- 27th Centile. I was hoping for a merit this year, but I think unless I managed to work instead of sleeping, solidly until May, that's not going to happen.

I've made my choice, and I'm ok with it :-) I'd like to stay up there, you know, maybe push for the top quarter... but the top 15% for a merit is far beyond my reach. At the end of the day, I think being first-aid trained, a counsellor and practised in talking to people about sex will give me other advantages, as long as I do enough work as well :-D

The contrast here is my flatmate. She works like stink... getting up at 6.30 every morning and heading to the library before lectures, working in our lunch hours, never coming out... She got a merit last year and I'm sure she'll get a distinction this year.
Shes going to get work experience this summer in Africa, which I'm sure will be brilliant :-)
However, I do feel... that she's not making the most of her experience. She's certainly not much fun as a housemate, and being a student is the last time you can do anything crazy before we're working ourselves crazy as doctors!

Actually, I do feel that that is a problem with the medical student community in general nowadays. Sure, just having rowdy rugby boys wasn't brilliant before, but I don't think having stressed-out overacheivers is best either. None of them get involved any more... things like RAG week show this. People need to learn to have a full life, not just a high-graded one!

Busy busy!

2009-03-10T01:07:00.007Z

So things are coming to a head right now, as I realise just how ridiculously behind I am!

This Friday (13th March) I have a neuro essay exam that I have just about prepared for now, just got to get a few details cleared up that I'm stuck on...
The 24th March I have a presentation on a 6000-word essay that I have not even started writing yet.
The 27th March I have an exam on an optional religion and theology aspect of my course... the AKC (Associate of King's College). Except of course, because it is religion and theology, I haven't actually understood a word of it and need to learn all the stuff.
And then there's still a term-worth of stuff to study for my exams in May.

Except of course, it's not that easy...

This week is RAG week, and I feel very strongly about collecting for charity (as well as my boyfriend being vice-president, so I'm obliged to join in!) So that should really mean a week of drunkenness and roaming the streets with a bucket, although I'm trying to fit it around lectures. There's also events on every night, so I should really attend them. I have tomorrow and Wednesday afternoon off, so I'm going ragging then... And probably out most of the nights this week. At least that way I'll see my boyfriend :-p and the event money goes to charity!

Oh and I've volunteered to cover RAG for the student paper *sigh* because there was a bit of a scandal in the last one...
A certain news editor ignored the article the committee submitted and wrote nothing about us except how lame it was for us to cancel RAG because of the snow. You know the snow that brought the whole of London to a halt? That snow. That forced us to reschedule for health and safety reasons. So RAG is obviously not happy, so I am writing the article. Hopefully I can get some good stuff written about us that time...

And did I mention that it's my 21st birthday on the 22nd? So I'm going home this weekend to see my family, then next weekend having a houseparty with my friends coming from around the country :-) But that's two weekends gone...

And then when all that's over I better start revising for my exams in May! I have so much to learn still, from previously in the year as well :-S

Oh and I may have a waterpolo match or two in there somewhere. I played against UEA girls tonight... we won 8-1! :-) The guys won their match too.

So I'm feeling just a little stressed at the moment. I was very enthusiastic this year about doing all the extra-curricular things uni had to offer, but I just need to be careful now that I don't let it take away from my work...
I've already fallen behind from having too much fun, lets just hope I can keep it together until the end!

One great thing is I got voted as a training officer in Sexpression today- training the new volunteers :-) I'm going to make swimming and sexpression my priority societies next year, and not waste too much time on the others. I need to buckle down...

More BSc Panic...

2009-02-21T18:49:00.001Z

I went to the intercalated BSc fair yesterday, it was SO stressful. The whole thing was packed, you couldn't get to any stall because there were so many people everywhere! Except the genetics stall for some reason. Lolz.

Also the philosophy stall amused me, because it was being run by a man in a weird green jumper and a guy with dreadlocks. Stereotypical weird philosophy people :-D

I certainly couldn't get to the anatomy stall, it was right in a corner and every person on it had about 5 really tall boys around them. I had no chance, lol. Clearly I'm not tall enough to do anatomy :-)

I hate those kind of things anyway, everyone just tells you to do their degree and I just get ridiculously stressed by the crowds and the fact that clearly loads of people also want to do what I want to do... so much competition!

I felt ill and grumpy as it was, so I just grabbed a few leaflets and got out of there. I feel like maybe I should have talked to the anatomists though, just to get myself recognised... anyway, it says to email a certain woman about doing a research project, so I have done.

Fingers crossed I can get onto it... that's a major point of doing a BSc, to do a research project you can get yourself published in...

I've also now decided I definitely don't want to do craniofacial sciences. Just looking at the poster I realised it's very dentistry-orientated, and I don't want to go that way.

Infection and immunobiology I have a leaflet for, and also I got a prospectus randomly from the London School of Tropical Medicine... who do Master's degrees after your third year(!) and do some based on sexual health, which looked totally cool. I imagine it's very hard to get in though, and it's all based on developing countries, which is fine, and i'd like to do some volunteering/my elective out there. But I don't plan to ever work somewhere far away very long-term, so maybe it's not for me.

My parents seem to think that I should just stick with what I like, and that anatomy is fine- my dad loves anatomy too, so he's good with it. My mum asked if it would be relevant if I wasn't doing surgery, and it is a worry... I'm as yet undecided but I was told by a surgeon that I should think of doing something more biomedical-related if I was thinking of going towards the medicine side.
My parents agree that I should probably do it this year as well... I could wait and apply for paediatrics, or this tropical medicine thing, but they think I'll be better off getting it out the way before clinics, which I agree with.
They seem quite chilled about it overall, and seem to be putting a lot less pressure on me than I am, so that's good :-) being around medics all the time sometimes makes me forget that I'm doing good hard stuff anyway, in my panic to keep up with everyone in our ridiculous levels of competition. Any BSc I get is going to look really good, after all.

I explained to my mum how I didn't really want to go anywhere but London, and she understands that too. I've just settled in, met new people etc... and she said
"and you'll probably want to stay with Andy as well"...
I couldn't believe that! The first time my mum has actually factored my boyfriend into my life! Normally she thinks I should avoid them and work more. Maybe she's accepting my choices more... or more likely thinks it's ok now I'm older and dating another medical student.

I saw this on the tube home today...

2009-02-15T20:30:00.004Z

Feeling a bit stressed from Childline, this made me smile :-)

A little bit freaked...

2009-02-13T16:45:00.002Z

I just had a lecture in which I was shown a video of an awake man getting brain surgery... this has freaked me out a little :-S

It was just a BBC documentary... QES "A hole in Fred's head".
Fred has Parkinson's disease, which is a brain condition that has lots of effects, but eventually stops you moving very much at all... the drugs he was given over time work less and get more side-effects of him having uncontrollable movements so he's writhing around all the time. A new treatment has been developed for this which involves burning away a tiny piece of brain on each side, so that the uncontrollable movements stop and the drugs can just help him move normally.

I mean, it was brilliant. The treatment worked amazingly and he actually walked out of the operating theatre! Out of his brain surgery! He'd got his life back...

Neurological conditions freak me out generally. Illness I can deal with, vomit, diarrhoea, body fluids generally... I've seen enough gross videos and photos of fractures galore, weird infections etc... but they're fine, they're treatable, they get better... When people have problems with their brains and movement and do unexplainable things, it's very odd, and I find it a lot harder to deal with.

The surgeon was amazing, obviously did the surgery brilliantly, but when he was talking to Fred you could see him explaining the situation clearly, but not overloading him with detail... addressing his concerns and fears, and I noticed simply talking perfectly normally to a man who can't help writhing around all the time.
Having not seen some with this condition before, I am an extremely curious person and I know that would want to watch what he does, ask questions etc.
This is something I need to make sure I keep tabs on, as I need to behave in a professional manner and not make anyone feel uncomfortable. I guess that's why they show us the video now, to introduce us the ideas first... but I find I always behave differently in front of an actual person/real patient anyway.

This experience has really brought to light my current dilemma in choosing which way I want to go in my medical career. I love both surgery and psychology (ok, as well as a lot of others) and need to choose at some point which way I want to go...
I love anatomy and would like to continue my interest by doing a BSc degree in it next year. But I don't know if surgery is for me... The long hours and high competitiveness are things I'm not yet sure I'd like to choose to take on whilst trying to further my career.
But not just that- the fact remains that I'm freaked out right now. Surgery is, at the end of the day, cutting people up, and how that affects people I may find difficult to deal with. You have to get used to it, detach yourself from it to an extent- I met a pathologist who went that way from surgery because she couldn't handle it when her patients died... It was a lot less stressful for her when they were already dead, and she was still using all her anatomy.

I'm currently developing my empathic skills and general psychology side a lot, with working at Childline and generally talking to more people and I find, ending up listening to the problems of a lot of them. I think I might be good at psychiatry... I've also got a lot of friends with mental health problems so have perspectives other people don't, and I really do care whether people are happy or not, and do my best for them...
But I've never really wanted to go into psychiatry... I prefer the practical side of medicine, and more psychiatric patients are long-term and you don't get the satisfaction I would like of seeing someone physically improved and knowing you helped get them better. A psychology BSc doesn't appeal to me at all.

Well, it's all things to consider.

I also found out yesterday that UCL are not doing the paediatrics BSc that I really wanted to apply for this year :-(
They will be running it next year, and would require a year of clinical experience... which I would have by then, obviously, so it's not an issue. But apparently they will be very unlikely to take on outside applicants in their first year, so I have to wait two years to even apply for the thing :-S
It's pretty much a no, really. And it's a shame, because they are the only university even running a paed BSc (according to their prospectus.) St. Georges do a lot of child health-related things, but I contacted them asking for information on their BSc's and was just told they're not taking any external applicants this year, so that's a no-go.

I guess I can look elsewhere... I've focussed on London universities becuase I'd prefer to stay here, but I can apply to any medical school, really. I may have a quick look around, but I'd rather not go anywhere else. I'm settled here with my friends and house now... If there was something good enough I'd obviously move for it, but it'd have to be really good.

So that leaves the options at King's. Anatomy BSc I would honestly, really like to do. Although I was advised by a doctor that if I don't want to be a surgeon, perhaps it's not that useful and I should do something biomedical science-related instead. The one thing that put me off Anatomy was apparently it's very difficult to get into a research project, and ideally in your BSc year you need to get published in a research paper if you can, to help your job prospects after your degree. I have a decent chance though...
None of the biomedical degrees particularly interest me anyway... Other things I am considering are Craniofacial sciences (a lot of embryology and how we develop in the womb) and Infection and Immunobiology- infectious diseases are pretty cool, and both of these degrees I think you're pretty much guaranteed a research project if you get in.

It's quite annoying, this whole BSc thing. I want to take the most of the oppurtunities presented to me, and obviously do as much as I can to get myself a good job at the end of it... But really, I just like medicine. I don't want to spend a year doing something else. I applied to study medicine, that's what I like. I don't particularly want to focus a year on some specific aspect of something. But that's the way things go now...

STI awareness week!

2009-02-09T22:16:00.001Z

This week is KCL Sexpression (sex education society) STI awareness week at university! :-)

(Its also Unicef Love Week, the combination of the two weeks together just makes me ridiculously happy...)

But being part of Sexpression means that I got to help out on our stall in the Student Union. We had chlamydia+gonorrhea testing kits, condoms, love hearts and leaflets about STI's to give out!

Some people give you really weird looks when you offer them condoms, it's great :-)

The sweets certainly went down well, so I was giving them condoms with them... but persuading people to take the tests was the hardest part.
The guy ones are just peeing in a tub, but the girl ones involve swabs... And girls seems less keen to take them anyway.
I have a guy one for my mate who is too embarassed to go and get an STI test though, so hopefully he'll do this and get himself checked for two things at least :-)

But the best part was, we had 2 fake penises, and were racing people blindfolded to put the condom on the fastest :-D So much fun!
I was pretty good with sight, but no good blindfolded. The fastest people were doing it in 5 seconds!

So that was generally a fun time, and I get to do it again tomorrow :-) And shout out in Year 1 lectures about it too :-) provided i get myself in on time...

I do love sex education, I have no shame and love teaching people, its a really good thing to do :-)
Helping my own uni students is something not done very much either... we're always raising money for somewhere or another, but not much is done directly for us, so I like that too :-) 1 in 10 young people in South-East London have chlamydia, so we're helping tackle that!

University take on politics

2009-01-29T20:34:00.003Z

So some students at KCL have been occupying a lecture theatre on the Strand Campus for about 9 days now.

If you're interested, they have their very own blog here:
http://kcloccupation.blogspot.com/

[To classify my own views, I know nothing about politics.
I do not know much about Gaza. I do know Shimon Peres is an ex-Israeli Prime Minister.
I know Israel and Palestine are at war and the Gaza strip is getting shot at, which is killing a lot of civilians, so is definitely not a good thing.

I don't agree with any kind of war, becuase that way a lot of people die, and unfortunately generally a lot of people who didn't even want to be involved in the first place.

However I appreciate that sometimes there's not a better solution, and fighting needs to be done. It seems that in this case the fighting could stop, but that is obviously going to be very complicated to organise.
Lots of people with far better knowledge than me are trying, so the best of luck to them.]

With the main issue considered, the politics here, simply in my University, is getting very interesting to watch.

The problem is Gaza, and an Honorary doctorate that King's have awarded to Shimon Peres.
The protesters obviously want Gaza freed, I can tell that from the banners, although I don't think they can acheive that from this University occupation. Disrupting a building in one country won't stop a war between two other countries. That said, enough pressure on the government from student bodies around the UK could have an effect on what we contribute to the situation.
They could ultimately have an effect on the doctorate being awarded though, I think, which I imagine would be a very significant, symbolic victory to them.

A history student told me that the first day of the occupation, the lectures went ahead in the theatre, with about 20 people sitting on the floor or the stage next to the lecturer.
The lecture? "Popular politics and protest". Brilliant :-)

Yesterday all KCL students received an email from the president of KCLSU which was very well worded, very respectful of all views, and asked for the occupation to stop because some students were feeling threatened by the demonstrations. The suggestion was to instead show your awareness and appreciation of the situation by donating to existing aid campaigns.

As far as I am aware, the protesters are just occupying a room, so how this is scaring students I don't know. Lectures have now been re-scheduled away from the occupied room, I imagine this could be inconvenient. Possibly the protestors are being loud and aggressive, I have not heard reports of this but I may go over and see for myself tomorrow.

Anyway, as of today the occupation is still on, so the email plea didn't work. It wouldn't be a very committed occupation if they were stopped by an email...

So the Islamic soc, as well as the room occupants, have put a lot of "Free Gaza" etc posters around.

Also they have organised collections for aid in Gaza, which I approve of, everyone has basic rights to food, clean water, medical care etc, and it is great that people here are trying to help.

But apparently now the Jewish soc (or just Israel supporters) are getting annoyed. In the toilet today I saw posters of all the good things Shimon Peres has done, and why he should get the doctorate, as well as ones about things Barack Obama and Archbishop Tutu have said in support of Israel/Peres.

Not having an opinion other than for preserving life, this university-level conflict is very interesting to me. It is amazing what strong views people have, and the levels they will go to protect and display them.
This also illustrates how lucky we are to be in a country and an institution that allows us to express our views like this. Watching these events around me is very interesting, and I will keep watching to see what effect it all has overall.

Midsessional exam results

2009-01-26T18:29:00.005Z

Got my exam results today!

Clinical epidemiology - 89
The other one (knees, dvt, the back, the head and neck, puberty) -64

Pass mark 50, so I'm happy :-)

I did better than I thought in the second one... That was the one I hurriedly revised over Christmas and was in the "well hopefully I passed" frame of mind about. 64 is in-line with my midsessional results last year, so that's good :-)

Clinical epidemiology sounds hard, but was actually the easiest exam ever... It was literally reading numbers off tables in a research paper, with the result they wanted and the table in the question... Oh, and it was multiple choice!

Rather annoyingly, those two exams that I spent all holiday revising for are worth 3% of the year together, which is the same as an in-course essay thing that I did hurriedly the night before. Who makes these allocations up? I got 75% on that though, so so far it's going well :-)

Now the mid-sessional has done it's usual trick reminded me that I actually need to study at all, and especially for the end of year! So I need to step it up now...

I'm a little worried becuase I've got a lot of stuff from last term I still need to cover, and the neuro we're doing at the moment is quite hard. Still, I have a lot of time left...

An amazing day!

2009-01-14T12:37:00.003Z

Yesterday I had a brilliant, brilliant day.

In one day; I attended my first post-mortem, saw first copies of books by Jenner, Vesalius and Nightingale, and saw a Bill Bailey gig... on his birthday :-)
This was all after 4 hours of interrupted sleep, as I went clubbing the night before, and my boyfriend kindly drunkenly hogged the bed and snored all the time I was there *sigh*
Still, you've got to do it all sometimes :-)

The post mortem was a definite life experience. I have of course, already seen dead bodies and dissected them as part of anatomy classes, but seeing a "fresh" unpreserved cadaver was very different, as you can see the person as they were, and need to deal with the issue that much more. This was actually easier for me once we started on the anatomy- I'm used to that, and can detach a lot better.

The actual process isn't entirely pleasant either- there are smells and leaky fluids. But once I got over that I could really appreciate the brilliance of the pathologist teaching me- they really knew their stuff and explained so much, and showed us a lot of anatomy. It's much clearer this way- the colours and textures are correct, and easier to distinguish from each other, as preservatives tend to bleach everything. It was really good to see some real examples of pathology as well.

I really think I learnt a lot from that, and did something that a few years ago I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with. Or answer the questions the pathologist asked us... I'm learning :-)
I do feel quite changed from the experience- both from learning things in a way I won't forget and of course the intense clinical application of what it's all for- the patient.

After that I had my meeting for my module this term- an essay on the History of Medicine.
It was in the special collection section of our library, and I got shown amazing things! An original copy of Andreas Vesalius' anatomy book! In latin, with the drawings that I've seen so often replicated everywhere... I've wanted to see one for so long, and now I have! A goal acheived :-D

But it didn't stop there... the library woman then showed us Edward Jenner's original report on his vaccination discoveries! I've been taught about him since primary school, I couldn't believe it :-)

And THEN, we got shown the report that Florence Nightingale produced on the sanitation in the Crimean war. (She published it anonymously, but it came out.)
An interesting fact I didn't know is that it involved one of the first known usages of pie charts- apparently she was a brilliant statistician, wrote a lot of medical reports and eventually was elected a member of the Royal Statistical Society!

It was worth choosing the module just for that in my opinion :-) the rest of it looks boring... I've basically just got to go off and write an essay on something history-related, and choosing something like Jenner would be too broad and overdone anyway, so I won't get myself in contact with any other cool sources.
Still, that was amazing. University has let me do brilliant things!

A nap and a meal later, and I was at a Bill Bailey gig :-) This day was brilliant, and I think sums up what I love about being a medical student- the sheer variety of things to do, new experiences to have, and fitting fun in around all of it as well :-D

Exam consternation

2009-01-03T00:55:00.000Z

I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again... I wish I'd started studying earlier :-p

My exams are on the 5th January- one on medical statistics, one on head and neck anatomy, the anatomy of the leg and DVT's, the anatomy of the back and puberty.

The medical statistics one I'm not very good at, but you can take your notes into that exam, so fingers crossed!

Revision for the other one isn't going so well.
I started off the holidays strongly with some good head and neck notes made... (Ask me the 5 termincal branches of the VII cranial nerve, go on) but then I realised that was taking too long, so I'm having to quickly read through everything else. I still have everything below the knee to do, then the rest of the head and neck... and two busy days coming up as it's my dad's birthday today and I'm travelling back to uni the next day... panic!

I can probably read it all through in time, but I'm convinced nothing's sticking.

My problem is compounded by the fact that the virtual campus- our resource to access all our lecture notes, timetables, exam rules and suchlike- broke halfway through the holiday, so no-one has been able to access it. And no staff are back in until the 5th of January for us to ask about this. Which is when our exam is, at 10am.

Problems with lectures notes aside, I now don't know where my exam IS, or where I am sitting!
Some bright spark has managed to get the resources online for us, which is lucky :-) But I can only hope that either someone else has written down where the exam is, we get emailed at 6am on Monday, or they postpone the thing!

So that's all a bit stressful- and not even all my fault for once!
However, I must say I'm glad that my Uni do mid-term assessments- ok I'm not prepared now, but it scares me into studying afterwards, so I learn it all in time for the important exams at the end of the year :-D

Sex Education

2008-12-31T02:11:00.001Z

So I had decided that it was time for my little sister to have a sex education lesson. Better coming from me than my mum, and I am trained... I bought home a load of different condoms for her, grabbed a banana from downstairs and gave her a quick demonstration of how to use one.

That's more than I did my brothers, I just gave them some each and a leaflet. And showed them a condom and some basic points on opening the packet, putting it on, etc.
I now wonder whether I should have told them more. But they were older, and they went to the same school as me, so I know they'd had sex education- I think they'll be ok. For some reason it's less awkward talking to my sister anyway- either now I'm more experienced with teaching, or because she's a girl.

Point to note:- a banana seems like a good demo model for a condom, but its near impossible to get a condom off of it again. That or I have really weird bananas.

I'm not too easily embarrassed, plus have taught a hell of a lot of people about condoms, so teaching my little sister wasn't too awkward.
But she Asks Questions.
Questions are good... I don't know what she knows after all, and filled her in on quite a few things I wouldn't have thought to tell her...

But then she did what every other young person I have taught sex education to didn't... she Asked Questions, about me. I tried to lie, but she's my little sister and knows me too well. So now she knows more than I would like about my sexual experiences.
Still, she told me about herself too, so overall I guess it was bonding.

My mum told me this morning that she heard me talking last night and it kept her up. She started to say "about..." and changed the subject. I'm not going to press her, and I'm not going to tell my little sister about that either.

On the plus side...

2008-12-28T02:16:00.000Z

One good thing about being a medical student is that you have a greater vocabulary when it comes to Christmas word games with the relatives :-)

Happy Christmas!

2008-12-26T02:46:00.001Z

So among my presents were a colour-in anatomy book, posters of the skeletal and muscular systems, a small scale skeleton and a book on being a doctor.

About time too- all my friends turned up to medical school with this stuff! (Having had a year out, living alone and working for an insurance company, I turned up with my last month's wages and a hell of a lot of cleaning products.)

So the book I was given was "Trust me, I'm a (Junior) Doctor" by Max Pemberton. I've spent the last 3 hours reading the book.
I've texted my boyfriend to inform him that I don't want to be a doctor any more.

I could be a teacher- I'd at least feel smart compared to 13-year-olds... ok so I might get a genius but most of them...

An entire book about feeling stupid, being tired and not looking after myself. Shit, I'm tired now, and all I've done is stay up late revising! How am I going to cope with actual working life?

I spent the entire book going "I won't do that," "Oooh, I can see that happening to me" "aww, I hope I do that..." Like I can decide how I will behave 6 years in the future.

I wandered into medicine with a sheer bloody-mindedness. I don't know why I wanted to be a doctor... I know I've always liked looking after people, and anatomy fascinates me... Hundreds of people have gone "ooh, its so tiring though" and I remember in the first month of being at uni meeting an F1 who lived in my halls and quite earnestly said to me "get out while you can..."

I've just ignored it all, somehow assuming that it won't happen to me, or I'll be able to deal with it, or everyone just doesn't like a challenge like I do. My dad thought about medicine but decided the hours were too long and went for dentistry. Someone that similiar to me opted out. Admittedly the working hours were longer then.

But still, what makes me think I can do it? I can't do anything! I'm currently trying to learn everything I should have done this term for my January exam... Instead of studying I was at the swimming society, or drinking, or asleep. There's so much stuff to know, and that's not even counting all the stuff I did last year that I can't remember even now, or didn't learn in the first place. What if I'm already too behind?

I don't have any skills. Most people play an instrument or do sport... The only thing I'm good at is befriending slightly strange people that I think would need a friend. My mum and I both have a knack for attracting slightly strange people. And people who are different, like me, don't scare me. I can have conversations with them. They worry about things, like I do. I will patiently give hours and hours of my time to my friends and help them out and look after them as much as I can. I tend to feed people as much as I can too, and resist the urge to do their laundry. Maybe I have an overwhelming urge to be a housewife that I'm trying to express elsewhere.

You'd think from what I just said that I'm good with people. I'm not. I'm shy, and can be blunt and sarcastic, especially when I'm feeling shy, and as friendly as I try to be and start conversations, they dwindle out. I work for childline but find it a struggle- it's a really hard thing to do. Talking to my strange friends; sympathy and humour and similiar experiences. Talking to an abused child; not the right tactic. You can't fire volunteers, can you?

I'm reading the book and thinking "well at least I've worked fulltime, so I have an idea of it" or "at least I always get my food shopping done." That's not going to make a difference to someone who naps between lectures if they can- my flatmate studies 10 hours a day at least and is looking forward to having a job so she can keep busy; compared to me who gets grouchy if I haven't eaten in a few hours or had to get up early.

I will say one thing for myself- I am smart. I can pick up things quickly, and am actually amazed at the things some of my fellow students don't know. They made it to the second year, I can only assume they'll make it to the end.
I was good at science too, but that has all disappeared into a haze of the bout of depression I had around about the time of my A2 exams. I was top of my school in chemistry, now I don't understand pH curves.

I dunno, somewhere- it's gone. I had a conviction that I was better, I work harder, I could be nicer- probably due to cheering someone up then passing my times tables in high school. I had this illusion that I would do something amazing, cure cancer, save lives, have time to listen to every patient- but what makes me better? This guy's passed all the exams I have yet to and still considers quitting all the time.

What makes me so special? And what, to that matter, makes doctors so special? To go even further, here is me assuming that everyone thinks doctors are special. Not only am I learning to be a doctor, I'm learning what one is anyway. We don't cure anyone, really. Just patch them up, keep them going. I should know, I've had a UTI for the past year, and managing it is all a consultant urologist can do for me.

Somewhere along the line, I lost my determination. I used to try and do everything- work, a-levels, boyfriend, friends, in all that it got too much. If I can't even manage high school exams, I don't see how I intend to get much further. I learnt the hard way exactly how much I need to eat and sleep, how frail I really am in the face of alcohol and caffeine; how I don't actually have the time to do everything I want to do.

Interestingly, I read this book in the same room as my little brother and sister who were playing our new computer game. I'm laughing occasionally, sometimes fighting back tears at this book- trying not to distract their game. It didn't occur to me to tell my brother what I was thinking, how the day-to-day of being a doctor isn't something I'd imagined yet... He started doing medicine this year. I never once thought of that while in the room. Its just the way I think of him though- he always seems to do things the easy way, while I go hard. I'll lend him the book. As a warning.

Maybe the thing about being a (potential) doctor is the willingness to get your hands dirty. I'm fine with blood, and touching people, and have never been incredibly incredibly freaked by death- but I couldn't even sit through my friends management lectures, or would never want to work with machinery. Or animals. My family is very medical- maybe it's just how you are. Nothing special about it, just what you're willing to do.

Hmm. One of my very good friends gives me this one piece of advice whenever I'm panicking at him- "balance. It's all about balance." Here's me thinking I need to be brilliant at everything, when really all I need to do is survive. I think a lot of medics panic when they come from high-acheiving A2 results to university, where getting just a pass is really hard. So I'm not the friendliest person in the world, or know the most anatomy or can stay up three days in a row- I'm going to do what I can and I think I can get through.

I say that, then I look at the brilliant ones- the ones who have got themselves published already, have made friends with the right people, know the answers in every tutorial. Why shouldn't I aim for neurosurgery? If i'm going to do this, shouldn't I try and be the best?

But, not only am I a medical student, I'm still a person. Doctors make mistakes, I said earlier we're not perfect, or amazing... Sure I should be the best I can be, and the standards need to be set high becuase if we fuck up, people could die. But I can't be my flatmate, I need to get out and have fun too. I can't be the person with connections, it's not who I am. But I'm working on talking to people, I'm gaining confidence, and revising for my bloody exam.

I think this is a normal uni thing. High school exams with A's and A*s and millions of other acheivements to "...oh, this is hard." Then second year, which has less drinking than first year and seems to put everyone in a bit of a slump. Then I read a book about how my future career involves more filing and less dramatic lifesaving than I would like, along with a lot less sleep.

Well, I'm not giving up just yet. There's always time to change my mind... But although I'm not quite the stubborn teenager I once was, I'm not the easygoing housewife yet :-p I can quit at any point, after all!

On another point, its 10 days until my exam. I have a lot left to learn. Time to start cramming...

Pitfalls of being a medical student #1...

2008-12-20T21:55:00.001Z

...People asking you what's wrong with them and you having no idea.

I have just returned home for Christmas and my mum has hurt her foot, bless her...
Almost certainly from running far, far too much. She is really enthusiastic and runs several miles a day... I don't want to know how far, just thinking about it makes me feel tired :-p

Anyway, she has a lot of pain on the top of her foot. She thought it was a stress fracture, but a trip to the local minor injuries unit and an x-ray confirmed that luckily it wasn't, and they suggested perhaps it was tendonitis, or something to do with her bunion. They sent her home with advice of not to run for a while and to rest it.

So my poor mum is stressed about Christmas with a limp, and not being able to run, and the pain... and is asking me what is wrong with her and to fix it. It's swollen on the top of her foot, but that doesn't tell me much... I've only covered the anatomy without many clinical examples (if she had a forced inversion injury, i'd be right on it) and so all I can offer her is basic support and first aid... Making her rest, giving her NSAID's, raising the foot, putting ice on it as it seems to help the pain.

I guess one advantage I've got is that my advice is listened to now- my mum tends to be quite strong-minded and carries on despite being ill until she gets really bad usually. It was good that I made her go get the x-ray or she'd have left it for ages... At least she is resting it and elevating it, which hopefully will help any inflammation she might have, and I may even be able to convince her to go to the GP to see if her bunion is the problem.
I'm not quite there yet though... getting her to give up heels for a bit might be harder, and telling her she won't be able to run for weeks didn't go down well at all :-p

Ah well, so at the moment I'm still more useful as a helpful daughter to fetch her stuff. One day...

SSMs...

2008-12-12T03:12:00.000Z

SSM stands for Special Study Module. Basically, its an extra piece of work that doesn't need to be included in the curriculum, but you do it anyway, for special interests, to focus on what you want to do later, or most likely, becuase you have to.

They are referred to by a certain lecturer of mine as "those ruddy SSM's" and having done two now I certainly understand why... No-one wants to do a research project when they have other, actually relevant and important, work to do.

The SSM I had last year I chose to do on cannabis and schizophrenia. I had to write my essay on one gene and whether it was related to schizophrenia under the influence of cannabis. I found one paper on this. I got told my essay wasn't focussed on the topic enough.
Anyway, after all the research I did, I found that we didn't really know whether cannabis did cause schizophrenia, at least yet. Good conclusion, lol. That SSM was right after our end-of-year exams so no-one much wanted to do it either.

This year I thought I'd be clever and not choose science-based ones, so I didn't have to do the annoying trawling through papers bit (until next year at least.) My choices were "Medicine and the Arts" and a research project on the History of Medicine.

I've just done my Medicine and the Arts one and I have to say it wasn't too bad... I learnt some interesting things, some useless things, a few useful things (including a workshop on body language that I was terrified was going to be a dance lesson, but turned out to be really good) and certainly know a lot more about art than I did before- I could probably hold a semi-intelligent conversation on it now :-)
This year I've started doing a lot more humanitarian things to improve my communication skills- hence working for Childline, making myself go to a lot of society meetings and this art module.

Getting the project in on time, however, was not fun. I of course ended up with most of it left to do in the last week... This was compounded by the fact that my friend (fortunately) reminded me on Sunday night, that I had to submit it online a day earlier than I had to give it in to my tutor... So I had to complete it for Monday :-S

Cue me staying up until 4am Sunday night, having 6 hours sleep then working on it all Monday except for 2 lectures... But I got it in on time :-) Well, 11.59 on the day it was due in. All the uploader said was a date!

My submissions did get a bit hilarious by the end as well... My reflections on each session had far too many diary-style entries, and I was running out of time, and enthusiasm, so my last ones included a drawing, a mind-map, and a list of words. The list of words was a suggestion in our handbook! I considered referencing the dictionary for it too, but thought that was going a bit too far :-p

So, I'm glad that's over :-) I've missed swimming for two weeks as well due to getting this work done, and that made me a bit grumpy and twitchy so it was nice to go back today :-D

Now I'm really not looking forward to my 6000-word essay on the History of Medicine next term... The people who did it this term are ridiculously busy, including my poor friend who hasn't slept in about a week I think, and yesterday had 4000 words left to do.

Of course, this is all due to poor organisation on our part. We all had 10 weeks to do this project in, but we all left it to the end and missed lectures. Haha.

Oh and the reason I'm posting at 3.30am? I'm up becuase my boyfriend is still up finishing his project- due in ~~tomorrow~~ today. :-p

Procrastination

2008-12-06T21:52:00.001Z

My limits know no bounds.

I think the main problem is that the work is just boring. I don't mind a bit of hard work, but when it doesn't interest me, I'll find a million other things to do. I haven't even got dressed today, but I've still found countless distractions from work (including going shopping in my pyjamas!)

Well, I'd better get on with it, it's due in Tuesday!

Excitement!

2008-12-03T13:48:00.000Z

I'm currently having a moment of joy at the lecturer we have at the moment :-)
We're doing head and neck anatomy- being lectured by Professor Susan Standring! (Editor of Gray's Anatomy)

:-D

Sex education!

2008-11-25T18:47:00.000Z

Today was the second of two lessons of sex education I have taught to a class of 16-year-olds in Peckham, as part of Sexpression, a volunteer program at my university where we... teach sex education, obviously.
It was a little daunting at first... (for those of you not in London/England, Peckham is a very rough area.) The kids were a little rowdy but smart when you listen to them (one guy started talking about oestrogen and FSH, which I'm also learning about in medical school at the moment!) I wasn't too phased anyway, becuase it was quite like being back at my high school in terms of no-one listening and you having to shout a bit for attention, haha. The school was really nice though, its an "academy" of which a few have sprung up in London... the kids have a smart uniform, the buildings and facilities are very good and somewhat scarily there are a lot of security measures in place!

The first time we went there was rather unsuccessful... The teacher we were supposed to meet was off sick, and we just turned up and got told to leave basically. Still it gave us a chance to find the school, realise how hopelessly unprepared we were, and marvel at the in-school hair salon (I still haven't quite worked that one out yet.)
But after that we went back last week and I had a great time, the kids are quite open, ask a lot of questions and make me laugh :-) I've really enjoyed teaching them. Last week I was a bit nervous becuase it was my first time teaching- the other girl was more experienced and took over really, although I got to chat to my own group when we split the class in half, and went through a lot of things. This week I was a little selfish and led the lesson mostly, it was great fun, we had a bag full of contraception methods/devices and got people to pull something out and we'd discuss it. One boy got a dental dam and I was explaining how you'd use it to perform oral sex on a woman... then for the sake of a full explanation had to add "or you can use it for anal-oral sex... and it smells of blueberries too! mmmm!" :-)

Also note to self... When explaining to someone why trapping air at the end of a condom when putting it on can cause it to break, be aware of the motions you are making with your demonstration dildo/condom model...

My partner said "well, I hope we were fun for the kids" and I really think we were :-) Being a bit younger makes it easier for them to discuss I think- one girl asked me if female condoms were easy to put in... I was like, well I don't actually know, lol. We passed around condoms and people got covered in lube, haha. At another point we all ended up laughing at something a guy had said and a girl pretty much grabbed my arm like a friend... you just wouldn't feel comfortable enough to do that with your teacher!

We have demo models of all methods of contraception including the diaphragm (which everyone thought was some kind of anal condom, lol) iud and implant, which I'd certainly never seen before when I was at school. They were quite impressed we were medical students which probably made them feel better about asking questions. And I'm so used to discussing sex and contraception etc that I don't get fazed by what they ask. One guy laughed at me for keeping condoms temporarily in my back pocket lol, like I was going to take them home. I winked at him... But I did manage to end up with a pocket full of the condoms open for demonstration to take home lol, as we didn't think it was cool to put them in the bin at school. I forgot about them and had them in my pocket all day. My boyfriend found a wrapper hanging out while I was cooking dinner... I did wonder why there was a man looking at me strangely in Tesco's...

Obama... and idiots

2008-11-05T18:43:00.000Z

...the first bit of politics I've cared about, and it's not even for my country. hahaha.

The pirate reggae radio station I have on my Alarm clock radio today woke us up with a song that simply went (getting higher as it went) "Barack... Obama... Barack... Obama... Barack Obama... yeah!"
And repeat.
It made me smile :-)

One thing I don't understand is all the happiness simply becuase he is black. People, vote for the best politician. Not the minority politician. Sure, its great he got there and hey, he happens to be black and from an underprivileged background etc, but thats not why you voted him in was it?
The sudden references to Martin Luther King baffle me. One good leader is as good as another, surely...
I will concede here that if black people in America felt they needed more representation, thats another reason to be happy. However things are getting a little twisted.

Most so this quote in the london paper: "It was as if the whites felt they had repaid an ancient debt and the blacks were grateful for them doing so."

No, No, NO. Did that sound to anyone else like we voted a black president to make black people feel better about past events?

People voted for the best politician, for a democrat to bring change and hopefully stop war, make equality and hey, do all the sorts of things ANY decent politician should do... and yes, the fact that he is black is very symbolic of change, and equality, and many other good things... but its a nice aside.

All change...

2008-11-03T18:39:00.001Z

So we've now moved on from the anatomy of the upper and lower limbs to endocrinology (hormones), which leaves me with- all that anatomy still to learn- but at least a change of subject :-) I'm being made to work now as endocrinology requires tutorials and an in-course assessment due in today, which I of course did last night until about 12.30. Still I don't feel so bad, I live with three other medical students who all did it that day too... my geekier friend starting it in the morning of course, and my boyfriend even looked at the questions thursday night in a burst of optimism...

The funniest part was that all of my tutorial group had all obviously worked on this piece of work this weekend, and not the two tutorials we had today as well... cue panic when we found they were being led by the head of years 1 and 2!

Wow, I'm making us sound bad... we're really not that awful, just in a slump I think... the enthusiasm of a new year has worn off, and mid-sessional exams are far enough away to not push us into action just yet!

As much as I love living with friends, and fellow medics (you can't beat a Saturday night watching "Dead Set" and discussing the physiological impossibilities of Zombies) the stresses of living in a student house are starting to show:
We've had to instigate a cleaning rota becuase certain people weren't pulling their weight, we're starting to have arguments over bills.
The thing that is annoying me most is how everything in our house breaks- i've already repaired the curtain rail, broken the washing machine, and this weekend the hoover and showerhead broke. Luckily my boyfriend fixed the former and i've semi-repaired the showerhead with duct tape enough for it to work for a few days... Which of course means we won't get it fixed until it breaks even more. However none of this is quite as irritating as my chest of drawers having sealed itself shut with all my jumpers inside :-(

Ah well, onto better things! I may be playing in my first waterpolo match tonight- due to the coach not knowing I would be available i'm not on the list, but depending on whether another girl can make it I may be in! I'm rather scared, becuase the other team are a lot better than us... Not that it's hard considering about half of us are complete beginners, but half of the Imperial squad are apparently part of another good team as well... Still it'll be a laugh, if we survive!

Something fun happening tomorrow as well is a lock-in at the student bar, all night in order to cover the American Elections. Could be a good time, go Obama!

Thought of the day...

2008-10-20T11:39:00.000+01:00

I really wish the Peadiatric Society wouldn't refer to themselves as "Pead Soc."

I don't care if that sounds immature, the email subjects unnerve me.

Nearly Qualified!

2008-10-14T01:08:00.000+01:00

So I had my final mentoring session for Childline yesterday. It went ok I feel... Im certainly getting better at handling calls and the skills I need to use- open questions, showing empathy and reflecting the caller's emotions.

My mentor seems happy with how I've got on and was happy to let me take calls on my own for the second half of my session :-D Its a bit scary on your own... Im less confident about what to say to people, and if you're lost for words theres no-one to jump in and help you! But I'm sure I'll work it out.

One thing that surprises me is how many prank calls Childline get... It literally is the majority of the calls we receive, and some of them are really elaborate and draw you in for a while! I don't understand what those callers get from it though... shorter calls with funny voices are amusing for the caller and me :-) longer slightly convincing ones are just a bit weird.
This was one thing I really struggled with on my own as well... Not knowing if people were joking or not... You don't want to mistrust someone but you don't want to waste a lot of time on a prank call either.

So, soon I have an evening class of how to fill in all the paperwork, then at some point I need an assessment with my original trainer apparently... But no-one's actually sure how this is arranged, so hopefully someone will get in contact with me :-S

Busy busy busy!

2008-10-11T14:59:00.000+01:00

So I've been back at Medical School... about 3 weeks now... and I'm already overwhelmed!

It's all my own fault, I'm just too enthusiastic... I get excited about everything suggested to me during Fresher's week, join, then wonder why I have no free time :-p

I've joined the Swimming and Waterpolo society this year! (Well, I joined last year, but never went... *shame*)
This has one major problem really... well I say problem... basically, any Sports Club at King's involves a hell of a lot of drinking. The first night I went out with them and luckily didn't get Ginned, but played a drinking game that involved me having to drink a mix of guinness and cider out of half a waterpolo ball. There was a shot of absinthe later and I don't remember much after that.
So yeah, my poor liver...
Still, the exercise is good! I am incredibly unfit, but hopefully this will get better... I've also signed up for some galas just for the taking part...

I'm also in the "Dead Parrot" (comedy- bonus points if you understand the name) society, I'm the secretary this year :-) We had a big launch party in the Comedy Cafe in Shoreditch, at which we had 5 stand-up comedians and a guy from our society as compere... it was an amazing night and brilliantly organised by our president!
Now we have meetings once a week to write sketches and stand-up, we seem to have some new really talented people joined, so I'm really excited about how this is going to go!

St John Ambulance haven't got back to me about whether my qualifications transfer across to London which is a bit disappointing. Also rather amusingly their email list is set up so if you reply to it, it emails everyone on the list... The other week I had 60 emails from people asking to be taken off the list. It was hilarious.... but somewhat annoying. Lol.

I am doing the AKC qualification, which stands for "Associate of King's College."
It's sort of an optional Christianity and Theology course... Steeped in tradition, its the first course the college ever did, and the reason King's was set up... UCL etc were set up to be complete un-religious as a protest against Oxford and Cambridge at the time only letting in anglican students. However King's wanted to demonstrate that religion was part of the public sphere, so that's why its here! The course is a bit strange for me because its very historical and essay-based, but its nice to be part of a King's tradition. And if you pass all three years you get the letters AKC after your name!

And I'm still working at Childline on Sundays... I've nearly completed the mentoring now so soon I'll be counselling on my own (hopefully, assuming I pass!)

So yeah... that and I've got lectures, my Special Study Module, and a house to clean!

Never a boring moment.... I'm sure i'll fit in doing some work at some point :-p

First Aider :-)

2008-09-12T19:49:00.000+01:00

So I've spent the last four days at my local St John Ambulance division in my home town, and now I have my First Aid at Work qualification :-)

This might seem a bit silly... I'm a medical student, I was given Basic Life Support training, why do I need any more?

Well the problem is really, we did cover First Aid, but it was in a one-hour session... I was appalled at some of the other student's knowledge as well... How do you become a medical student without knowing the recovery position?
So I felt I should go back to basics, go to the course, know I have been taught everything and tested so it's all covered and I know I can do it.
That, and I've been a member of St. John's for over a year and still can't go on duty!

So that's what I did :-) the course wasn't too hard, a lot of it is common sense really, but I always used to get confused with things like slings and which way to put them, I'm sure of it all now :-) Its a very practical skill, and if you don't practise it you don't remember... I can't think of anything worse than trying to reassure someone with a broken wrist while you get yourself in a knot with a triangular bandage, or perhaps even hovering over someone who's not breathing thinking to yourself *is it 15 or 30 compressions?*

My trainer was absolutely lovely... explained everything really clearly and demonstrated all the skills, making us practise over and over again. A brilliant actress too, at one point she got cramp in her toe and it took me a minute to realise she actually was in pain at this point, lol!

Being explained some of the more complex medical details did make me twitch, though... things like "no-one knows why faeces is brown" and "no-one knows why we get build-up in our arteries". She told me that our spleen was like a balloon holding a store of blood for if the body needs it, explained vasodilation by saying blood likes heat, so rushes to a warmed part of your body, or my favourite... "GTN spray is dynamite, and explodes your arteries open!"

The last two were quite sweet though... if you have no need to know the physiology behind it, an explanation like that you can understand and has relevant applications, so why not use it? I'll just have to get over the inaccuracies myself.

So yes, now I have a nice certificate saying I am insured to do First Aid at Work for three years :-) I can be the appointed First Aider for my place of work, I am insured for up to 10 million pounds to first-aid someone I find on the street (ok not just there, but you know) and I can go on duty with St John :-D

Of course, I need to get hold of a uniform before I can. The LINKS (St John for students) society at my university is too popular... about 200-odd people go, I couldn't get myself on a first aid course all year! But now I'm qualified hopefully I'll be of more use to them... I'll see when I go back!

Counselling

2008-09-07T15:39:00.000+01:00

So I've spent the last week staying at my new house in London, doing the initial training to be a volunteer counsellor for Childline.

It's intense stuff! We covered bullying, abuse, sexual abuse, suicide, death/grief and a load of other situations, all in a week.
The course was brilliant, it was the first time they'd done it in this format... normally it's ten modules over so many weeks, but we had one in the morning, one in the afternoon, for 5 days. It wiped me out, I can tell you. Being back in London I wanted to go see the friends that were here, but I ended up staying home most nights! Still, there's still freshers week... :-)

Naturally some of the subjects were covered were very emotional, but the trainers handled it very sensitively, all credit to them! Every stage was discussed as well, and you were encouraged to share your emotions about any subject.

It was very interesting for me becuase the counselling was a completely different way of working for me... Obviously there were very similiar points such as using empathy and not sympathy, active listening, building up a rapport with the person you are talking to and encouraging them to share their feelings.
However as a medical student, you tend to be very scientifically/solution focussed... your patient will talk to you and you should listen attentively but then focus the conversation in on the problem and ask more fact-gathering questions. Then of course you want to assess the situation and start to solve the problem.

At Childline you don't do that... it's all about letting the child tell you what they want, in their own time- you are enabling them to talk, helping them take control of the situation and have their own agenda. It was all too easy at first, (and not just for a medical student) to assume what the problem was, and lead the conversation down towards getting details about the situation, and what we thought they should do about it. Its much more passive really.

Still, I feel I've learnt a lot, definitely am better at simply listening to people, and hopefully will get through to the next stage of the training :-)

Even if I didn't, I think the training I've had already will benefit me on my course... A lot of people say doctor's don't listen these days, and I've certainly had a lot of practise and new ways taught of doing this- even if I can't spend half an hour exploring how someone feels about their stomach pain.

Now I'm back home for a week for a first-aid course before Fresher's week. Im going to be exhausted before Uni starts at this rate! Still, if I can't keep up now, I doubt I'll manage later...

Welcome

2008-08-25T12:40:00.001+01:00

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm a second-year medical student studying at King's College London, UK.
Im female, 20 years old, a bit nuts. (Ok, so maybe that comes with the territory...)

Anyhow, I thought I'd start this blog to record the funny/interesting things that happen to me during my studies... maybe this will be inspiring to other medical students or potential ones... maybe amuse some people... or maybe fall flat. Who knows.